Saturday, June 17, 2017


I just made a 2nd payment on my HF3535. No contact after huge payment with my lens seller in Germany yet. Kind of worried about the lens, the camera, the payments. Am feeling lots of stress putting this all together. Am facing many negative folks (negative Nelly's) at I have a dream but bringing to life on a security guards salary is so difficult.  I worry about money all the time now. Worry about whether my camera lens combos will work. Worry about the bellows length, worry about lens coverage. Worry, worry, worry some more.

Hopefully it will all work out in the end. Hopefully I will be rewarded for the chances I am taking now and end up making some important unique photographs (ambrotypes). Sometimes in life you need to take chances, go out on a limb (I learned that in Thailand). I see the finished and amazingly beautiful ambrotypes in my mind, I see them hanging in a large gallery with crowds of Canadians viewing my vision of Canada. I see the plates living on past my death. I want to make them a reality, I have to make them a reality. I cannot stop now, there is a destiny here, not about me personally but instead a destiny about the importance of the pictures, the art. They are waiting to be created, they need to be made. I will to continue to take financial, creative, personal risks and hope for the best. Great things are not created by the timid.

This will all work out in the end, I feel it. After all what are my problems compared to my subjects from the past? Families working the garbage, people living in the slums of Bangkok, the life of a bar worker, what my dad went through day by day. What are my little problem, simple unimportant problems compared to theirs?. I need to learn from their examples, they faced TRUE STRESS, my stuff is minor league.

This project will work, I will make it happen, it has to work, THE MASSIVE AMBROTYPES WILL BE CREATED!

Note* This stress and difficulties stuff will fit well into the artist talk for "Oh! Canada!!" Everything has a useful purpose in the end. If doing 35x35 ambrotypes was easy, then everyone would be doing them!