Sunday, May 20, 2018

Quote: Diane Arbus

"I don't press the shutter. The image does. And it's being gently clobbered."

Next Week Off

Just going over in my mind what I will be doing my next week off.

- yard work.
- darkroom work, start to print the Penticton "Forgotten Laughter: Children of the Dump" photos
- take care of mom, cook her breakfasts, buy groceries, cut her lawn, take her to x-ray appointment, take her to doctor appointment.
- maybe do a bit of biking, go to the driving range and hit some golf balls.
- start photographing mom, maybe using the Banarama 4x5 camera with flash (Polaroid conversion camera).
- send out the mail in rebate for my P800 Epson printer (possible $500 back, or at least $350).
- finish the "Families of the Dump' Word presentation for Bob C. This presentation could lead to a possible show(s) and a fundraiser for the families down East.

Quote: Henry Ward Beecher (Clergyman And Social Reformer)

"No man is more cheated than the selfish man."

Quote: Albert Einstein

"Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them."

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Quote: Martin Luther King Jr.

“We must discover the power of love, the redemptive power of love. And when we discover that, we will be able to make of this old world a new world. Love is the only way.”

Video Link: The Importance And Power Of Love, By Bishop Michael Curry

What a wonderful and important heart felt message delivered to the world at the recent royal wedding by Bishop Curry. Love is the answer, LOVE conquers all.

Here it is the video
Bishop Micheal Curry's Message Of Love, Harry And Meghan's Wedding

Friday, May 18, 2018

Haunted By Memories From Workers In Cambodia, "Lost Innocence" Photos

My mind keeps getting pulled back to the lives I photographed in Cambodia in 2003, and the proposed "Lost Innocence" project. Which would be a series of documentary portraits of the poor women and girls that work the brothels of South East Asia. I can never forget and continue to be pulled back over and over again to the people I met and photographed. I can still see their faces in my memories. Their desperation and sadness continues to haunt my thoughts. Some how, some way I have to find the courage, to photograph and tell those stories again. These young women suffer so much, their lives most often are lost or destroyed, their strength and humanity must be remembered.

The pictures could lead to duologue, and might even help with some positive change. Maybe I could donate the money from the artist talks, exhibitions, and print sales (??) to organizations that help the young women who worked the brothels. I have read about one such place in Cambodia. Imagine that, using the photos to help those who have suffered the same terrible fate. That seems so right. I might also be able to make money to help from donators to the blog and  from friends. I would also of  course throw in some of my guard money as well. This could turn into a very positive project, helping those in need, just like "Families of the Dump" has become.

Going back into that world again (the world of prostitution) will be hard thou. It is such a negative place to be. People who see you there will assume the worst of me, they will think the bad things as will most everyone everywhere.  I need to put the blinders on and remember the woman in the photographs, they are all that matter, their lives, their stories. Helping them as best I can is all important, nothing else. Maybe if I do this right, I can put to rest the memories of the lost lives I witnessed in 2003.

Fok Vietnamese Brothel Sex Worker Poi Pet, Cambodia 2003

"KANATA" Portrait Possibilities

Been thinking tonight at work about possible "KANATA" portrait possibilities they include.

- First Nation peoples.
- Immigrants (new).
- Police
- Soldiers
- Lower income people
- Inmates
- Alt-right, racist group leaders
- Farmers
- Post office folk
- Politicians (Prime Minister? why not try)
- Religious leaders and ministers of all faiths (Catholic, Protestant, Hindu, Sikh, Muslim etc)

Note* "KANATA" is my planned cross Canada wet plate photography project.

Quote: Margaret Atwood (Writer)

“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them and women are afraid that men will kill them.”

Mom

My mothers health is deteriorating, and there seems nothing can be done about it. Mom has been sick for the last 2 months or so with nausea and lack of appetite. She has had multiple scans, tests and medicines. Has visited the doctor, and emergency 4 times. Mom has lost around 35lbs, down from 200 to the 165 or so. We are trying to figure out why she is nauseous all the time, is it physical illness? A depression? No one can tell us. Will take her for another scan on the 24th and another doctors appointment on the 26th.

I feel so lost in all of this, trying everything I can think of to help mom. She seems to have lost much of her will for life, and just wanders around her large house feeling sick and not eating. She sounds so bad and worn out when she speaks and has short term memory problems. I have started taking her breakfasts each morning after work as she has stopped cooking for herself. This morning it was pancakes and an egg, yesterday bacon and eggs. Today, yesterday, the day before that I also cleaned her house a bit, washed her dishes, took out the garbage etc. We have also gotten her a home care nurse that comes to check to make sure she takes all her medications, another person comes once a week to give her a bath (bought a bath chair for her). I am looking into getting meals delivered to her home. Will have to buy her a bunch of groceries next week also as she is starting to run out of juices, milks etc.

Mom does not want to go to an old age home of any kind (she is 82) and she does not want me to move in with her to help her. It is all so frustrating and sad. She is falling apart bit by bit and nothing I do seems to matter much. Losing mom so soon after dad (3 years 3 months ago) is unbearable. It is all so painful, so hopeless. I have taken to crying quite often again about mom. The tears came two days when I was begging her to fight her illness, they come whenever I think of her to much, and again a few minutes ago when I spoke to her on the telephone. We lost dad at 82, I thought mom would last into her 90s (my grandmother lived to 96) but we might lose her at 82 as well.

There was a time when I was 47 when everything was so beautiful. Mom and dad were healthy and happy, I was working and doing my photography at a higher level. I remember thinking back then that I wish I could freeze time, stop the clock. Wouldn't that have be wonderful? Imagine if I could have stopped the clock then. I could go tomorrow and talk to my father and give him a kiss. I could see my mother and him happily watching TV or doing some cooking together.. Dad could tease mom then wink and smile at me when she bit back (he loved to tease her). That world, and all of those things I remember and love are gone forever.

Update: Tonight I keep thinking of what mom must be feeling now, it must be so frightening for her. Losing her abilities little by little, one by one, what could be could be more frightening? I need to do my best to help her through this most difficult part of her life. My mother was always there fore me as dad was, she always cared for all the others in her life, she them first ahead of her own needs. Mom took care her mother (baba) in old age, her daughter, and dad when he got pancreatic cancer. If anyone has earned the right to be taken care of now it's my mother.