Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Lost Without Him

Feel down and depressed, thinking of dad a lot. Everything is so final, so finished. Never again will I have the chance to be with my father, never again a conversation or a joke. Everything seems less important, now that I cannot share it. It, our time together is all over now. I dream and think of dad hour after hour, but there is nothing to be done, nothing go look forward to. Everything feels so empty, there should be more but there won't be. Dad should have been given more time, but he was not. Every time I do anything I think about the time I did it with my father. All that is finished now and forever. How can I go on without him?

Over the next few weeks I will be working extra OT shifts at work, maybe it's a good thing to occupy my mind. The Thais always say when their down "Don't think to much." I need to not think to much now, to bring on more distractions.

Update* I reached out to my photography to feel better. Dug into my large photo book library and spent a hour and a bit looking through 4 different books. Looking at pictures is always soothing to me, it brings me into a different reality, something I required today. The pictures were soothing, I then took a hot bath, cleaned up and went to work in the darkroom. Photography is always my salvation, it saves me from the harder parts of living.

Digi shot of dad (82) #2, made in the late summer of 2014