Had a bad dream, a nightmare I guess. I dreamt that I was crying and talking to mom about dad, telling her how terrible it all was and how all I just wanted was to make him proud of me. Then in the same dream I got my camera bag stolen, it had a Leica M6 body and the $3000 35mm 1.4 M lens in it. I was running around in the dream desperately searching for it, panicked with dads illness and the loss of the camera at the same time. I guess I still love the Leica's best, in my nightmares, those are the camera's that are stolen not the Mark II 5D digi.
After I woke up I realized the camera was not stolen but of course the dad part is still true. I will go visit him today again. Last night we bought him some Chinese food which he ate a bit of but not that much, he tried as best he could. Maybe I should get him some fancy ice-cream or yogurt today, he might like that. Everyday when I visit I tell him any silly stories, anything I can think of or tell him what happened during my boring day. He is fighting to stay with us he wants to live and enjoy life but his time is ending, there is nothing anyone can do. I told him more about his part of the coming photo show yesterday and which photos I will print. Today I will tell him of my intention to concentrate on the children in the dump.
What will I do without my father? Everything in life will seem so cheap and unreal without my ability to share the experiences with him. Not being able to tell dad things and get his opinion, his thoughts, his feelings back, will be so hard. How can I live without that? Life will be less beautiful without him to share it with. A few nights ago he said to me so sweetly "Thank you for coming over, Gerry".
Update: Fell asleep and had a second bad dream. In this dream not only 1 Leica body and lens was taken, this time all my Leica gear was stolen. Why all the stupid dreams about theft, about losing my Leica gear? I do not think it is because of fears of monetary loss, I think it's about losing the cameras and not being able to make pictures anymore, that is my worst nightmare it terrifies me. Never being able to make pictures again is the thing I fear most.
After I woke up I realized the camera was not stolen but of course the dad part is still true. I will go visit him today again. Last night we bought him some Chinese food which he ate a bit of but not that much, he tried as best he could. Maybe I should get him some fancy ice-cream or yogurt today, he might like that. Everyday when I visit I tell him any silly stories, anything I can think of or tell him what happened during my boring day. He is fighting to stay with us he wants to live and enjoy life but his time is ending, there is nothing anyone can do. I told him more about his part of the coming photo show yesterday and which photos I will print. Today I will tell him of my intention to concentrate on the children in the dump.
What will I do without my father? Everything in life will seem so cheap and unreal without my ability to share the experiences with him. Not being able to tell dad things and get his opinion, his thoughts, his feelings back, will be so hard. How can I live without that? Life will be less beautiful without him to share it with. A few nights ago he said to me so sweetly "Thank you for coming over, Gerry".
Update: Fell asleep and had a second bad dream. In this dream not only 1 Leica body and lens was taken, this time all my Leica gear was stolen. Why all the stupid dreams about theft, about losing my Leica gear? I do not think it is because of fears of monetary loss, I think it's about losing the cameras and not being able to make pictures anymore, that is my worst nightmare it terrifies me. Never being able to make pictures again is the thing I fear most.
