Need to Get Deeper

Been thinking about my work, I need to get deeper. All the great photographers I have studied got to a deeper level with their images, they got to another level of understanding which I have rarely reached, if at all. I need to get deeper.

Quote: Ansel Adams“

“A great photograph is one that fully expresses what
one feels, in the deepest sense, about what is being
photographed.”

Quote: Susan Meiselas

"For me, the idea was that through photography one could interact with the world, be a witness to society's problems and act on them......It wasn't that photography ended wars exactly, but it engaged in debate. It was part of a social dialogue."

Playing with the F5 and 4x5 Neg Problems

Over the last few days I have been developing the 4x5 ladyboy film and playing with my Nikon F5 (20-35mm zoom). I am getting some technical errors with the 4x5 film, fogged or just plain exposed film along with underexposed images. Two of the ladyboys I photographed seemed to be underexposed when I shot them with the Bananarama, not sure what I did wrong, damn. Other ladyboys seem OK, not happy with some of the compositions but that was to be expected going in because of the problems I had with the lens and rangefinder composition lines (not exactly the same).

The Nikon F5 is so nice to hold and shoot with, you have lots of options and it is damn fast which is great when your photograhing people on the run so to speak.

Great Photography Users Group

Found and love this site, it is highly recommended. Many knowledgeable people and lots of nice work shown.

www.apug.org

Hong Kong Photos

I have been studying the work of Sebastiao Salgado and the Magnum photographers over the last few days. There is a real beauty and honesty to Salgado's work, a truth that is difficult to achieve on the run when your working with larger formats.

I am taking a trip to Hong Kong and maybe mainland China in November and have decided to shoot 35mm b/w film with 2 Nikon F5 cameras. I want to try to go back to my roots a bit and shoot like I used to.

I believe what I will do is take 2 Nikon F5s, one camera with a 20-35mm F 2.8 lens and the second camera with a 35-70mm F 2.8 lens. I will shoot Tri-x film developed in D-76 (old school).

Cambodian Baby Tool Kok Slum Phnom Penh, Cambodia 1999 and Cambodian Boys Tool Kok Slum Phnom Penh, Cambodia 1999 were shot with a Nikon F5 and 20-35mm F2.8 lens.


Mai Vietnamse Sex Worker in Poi Pet Brothel, Cambodia 2003 was shot with a Contax G2 and 28mm lens with flash.

I am pretty sure I can get some good images in Hong Kong(China) but I am unsure of what I will be photographing. I guess I will just have to wander and search for images but I prefer to photograph people that I feel a connection to, will see how it goes, I will do my best. Maybe these photographs will lead to more personal work in other parts of Asia or Africa with the F5s.

Quote: Diane Arbus

" Photographs should not evade facts, they should not be evading what something really looks like. "

Quote: Vincent Van Gogh

" If you hear a voice within you say ' you cannot paint ' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. "

Nut 20 Ladyboy Sex Worker, Thailand 2008

This was the second photo session for Nut, I photographed her last year also.

http://www.gerryyaum.com/SW25.html

Nicky 26 Ladyboy Sex Worker, Thailand 2008

Auria Ladyboy Sex Worker, Thailand 2008

Mamiya twin reflex with flash shot. Auria was the first Ladyboy I shot this trip, boy was I nervous. Photos were shot in a dark sex shortime room complete with pink floresent light, I could hardly see what I was doing, ended up accidently exposing 5 sheets of 4x5 and making other technical errors. When I finished the shooting two weeks later most of the nerves were gone as was most of the technical mistakes. I have to continue to make photographs often to keep the mojo going!

Pui 21 Ladyboy Sex Worker, Thailand 2008

Emmy 25 Ladyboy Sex Worker, Thailand 2008

Cake 22 Ladyboy Sex Worker, Thailand 2008

I will post a few of my work print scans from the last trip, first photo up is of Cake a ladyboy Sex Worker. The photo was shot with the Bananarama and flash in a shortime sex room.

Thailand Eyes Ban on Teen Castration

Not really photo related but found this article of interest especially in regards to my just finished portraits of Thai ladyboy sex workers.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shanthy Nambiar and Suttinee Yuvejwattana, Bloomberg News

Paiboon Marvin started wearing dresses and makeup before he became a teenager. Now 16, he wants to be castrated as the next step toward becoming a woman.

Until recently, that wouldn't have been a problem: Boys of any age in Thailand could have their testicles removed for as little as 5,000 Baht ($150) with no questions asked. Now Paiboon may have to wait two years because the procedure will be outlawed for those under 18, after pressure from gay rights activists who say youngsters may follow a trend and regret it later.

"I don't think I'm too young to do it," says Paiboon, wearing a green-ribboned top, shorts, mascara and pink lipstick. "I know I won't change my mind. I've known since I was a kid that I'm not male."

The business school student has support from doctors who perform more than 1,000 castrations and sex-change operations annually in the Buddhist kingdom, which has one of the world's largest transsexual communities. They argue many minors seeking castration have gender identity disorder and surgery is an essential treatment.

"We should respect their decisions and age shouldn't be a fixed requirement," says Aurchat Kanjanapitak, president of the Medical Association of Thailand, which represents 4,500 doctors.

"If someone happens to have a woman's heart in a man's body and doesn't want to keep his testicles, the change should be allowed."

The Ministry of Public Health in April suspended all castrations, except to treat life-threatening conditions, while the Medical Council of Thailand draws up the first regulations governing the nation's sex-change industry.

The rules, due by year-end, will forbid the castration of boys under 18, while those under 21 will need parental approval and psychoanalysis before undergoing the procedure, says the council's secretary-general, Amnaj Kussalanan.

"Sometimes kids may make decisions carelessly because it is fashionable, or because they have insufficient information or a herd mentality," Amnaj says.

There are about 180,000 transgender people in the country of 66 million, according to Sam Winter, a psychologist at the University of Hong Kong who studies transgender issues in Asia. Castration is often a precursor to full sex-reassignment surgery.

Buddhist teachings hold that people can be reincarnated as males or females, which makes Thais tolerant of gender swapping, says Robert Thurman, a professor of Indo-Tibetan Studies at Columbia University, New York.

"The hysteria about sex is something special to the West," he says.

Kathoeys, a Thai term meaning "ladyboys" that applies to men who live as women, are a common sight in Thailand. Often dressed in high heels, with fake eyelashes and polished nails, they work as makeup sales staff, waitresses and hotel receptionists. Some end up in the sex trade.

Transsexual beauty pageants are popular, including the largest, "Miss Tiffany's Universe," which is broadcast live on television. The Kampang School in northeastern Thailand built separate unisex toilets after a survey showed 200 of its 2,600 secondary-level students were transsexual.

"Sexual preferences can change as you grow older," says Natee Teerarojjanapongs, the Bangkok-based co-ordinator of the Sexual Diversity Group, who led the campaign to regulate the sex-change industry after he met boys as young as 15 who wanted to go under the knife. "You can't change it back."

Noon, a receptionist at a Bangkok hotel who asked to be identified by her nickname, became depressed after her sex change at 19.

"Right after the operation, I started feeling that maybe it was wrong," says Noon, 28. "I wasn't ready for the surgery."

Noon cut her hair short at 21 and tried dressing as a man again. "I wasn't successful," she says. "There should be some control on sex-change and castration operations."

Thailand's regulation vacuum means some clinics fall short of international recommendations on standards of care from the Minneapolis-based World Professional Association for Transgender Health Inc., which advises against surgery on those under 18.

"It is extremely unusual for anyone aged under 18 to be offered surgery anywhere in the world," according to guidelines published by the U.K.'s Department of Health, titled Medical Care for Gender Variant Children and Young People.

Even so, some doctors in Thailand are unhappy with the proposed age rule.

Boys should be allowed to "express their feeling," says Thep Vechavisit, 55, who has castrated patients as young as 17 with parental consent and is preparing a lawsuit to challenge the new guidelines.

"They're in a very stressful situation, psychologically and socially," says Thep, who charges 5,000 baht for a castration at his Pratunam Polyclinic in central Bangkok.

Paiboon, who first had to overcome opposition from his mother, can't wait. He's turned to the Internet to find a surgeon prepared to operate in secret.

"It's my own money, my own body," he says. "It's nobody else's business."

First Contacts

Did a bunch of contacts from the 4x5 film developed so far. Some of them look quite good, think there are some strong photographs in the first batch of 4x5 negs. I will be printing some fiber 11x14 images up for a club meeting and also do some RC 8x10 prints for scanning so I can post them on the web page and this blog, should have some photos online next week.

Quote: Photographer Henry Holmes Smith

" At a certain point, humans creating art no longer need to be told what they're supposed to do. "

Developing Film

This morning I started to develop the 4x5 sheet film from the Ladyboy series. So far the images look OK, sharpness, exposure seem fine. Sometimes the composition is not quite what I wanted but that is a result of the guess work I have to do at times with the Polaroid rangefinder in the Bananarama. I might have to do some cropping on the negs when I print, something I am not a big fan of.

Censorship and Control of Photographers in Iraq

The US gov't has learned from the Vietnam war, now they control and ban photographers that depict the Iraq war in ways unacceptable to Washington.

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/07/25/world/middleeast/20080726_CENSOR2_index.html

VAAA Submission Deadline

I found out today that the deadline for submissions to the VAAA gallery for the 2009 season is Sept 15. I have already been rejected 3 times for a 1 man show at this gallery so I thought why not make it 4!! The deadline will push me to work hard in the darkroom over the next 40 or so days, deadlines have a tendency to make me work my ass off. Even when I am no doubt rejected again at least I will have much of the work from the last shoot developed and can use it to make submissions to galleries across Canada and the States.

I think I will concentrate on developing the 4x5 Tri-x shot with the Bananarama and make a Ladyboy submission from the best of the work I am able to process before the deadline.

Who knows the VAAA might actually like to try to show something a bit different and accept the work!! hope hope!

Razzle Hall of Fame

Was visiting Dean Jones Razzle camera site today and found the Bananarama in his hall of fame section along with many other dazzling razzling cameras. The Bananarama performed wonderfully in Asia and I plan on getting 1 and possibly 2 more Razzle cameras when I can save up a bit of money.

Check out Deans hall of fame Razzles here:

http://homepages.ihug.com.au/~razzle/Gallery/gallery.html

Donated Work

I donated some work to help a local youth organization raise funds. Check it out here:

http://www.artauction2008.deviantart.com/gallery/

You can also donate funds to the center here:

http://www.ihuman.org/

Cold and Quiet

First thoughts after arrival is boy Canada is cold and quiet. The temperatures seem downright cool here after being in Thailand even thou it is the height of summer in Edmonton. The other thing that immediately struck me is that it is so quiet, no motorbikes, no jack hammers, no barking dogs or loud music, and no one yelling at me at "Come here sexy man!" The ladies in the bars yell things out when single men walk by, if your walking with a woman they say nothing but if your walking alone you always hear the calling of the girls working the bars.

I miss Thai food already, miss having a kiwi shake and fresh coconut juice/meat for 60cents, miss eating all those wonderful foods.

I could not sleep much today, was only able to manage about 4 hours in the morning then I got up and went for a bike ride. It was so quiet and relaxing to cycle through the countryside, I really, really enjoyed it. I think that we sometimes take the little pleasures like this for granted until we do not have something for awhile then you learn again to appreciate the small things like cycling while listening to birds sing.

Back In Canada

Well I am back in Canada again, after a long exhausting day of travel which included a 2 hour car ride plus around 24 hours on 3 different airplanes I am now back home typing this message on my own computer.

I managed to not get the roll film x-ray zapped for the whole trip and only allowed the 4x5 Tri-x to be zapped 3 times, which is the same as the 8x10 last year. I had no problems with last years film so am anticipating none this year.

I must now develop and print the film as time allows. I want to make up 3 submissions for gallery's

1. Bargirls
2. Sex Worker
3. Ladyboy

Exhausted, I will take a bath and sleep.

Last Meal

Had a very nice Thai meal at a local beach area here. I ate barbecued crab along with spicy papaya salad, raw oysters, spare ribs and a fried fish in a special sweet and sour sauce.

Will go for 1 more massage tonight and see a show. I also want to drop off some photographs in a gay bar area for some men I photographed last year.

Keep seeing Nit from last night in my head, she is aging fast, she looked so tired here face changes each time I photograph her. I want to come back her next year and photograph her against a white background with my 8x10 camera.

No More Film

I shot the last of my film today, all the color and b/w roll film, 425 sheets of 4x5 b/w and about 20 sheets of color 4x5 are gone!

The final totals are as follows.

I photographed 20 different ladyboys.
I also photographed 4 ladies.
I ended up reshooting 6 people from previous trips.

Overall I am happy, at this point I think I went into new areas with my work. I hope the work is good, I think it should have some impact. I hope that I can get 10 good portraits for my portfolio box set of ladyboys.

Tonight I used up the last 36 sheets of 4x5 shooting a girl named Nit. I have photographed her on 2 previous occasions in 2003 and in 2007. Nit is a sweet lady but she is getting old fast, she is only 23 now but seems much older. She has a son and has been working a shortime bar for at least 4 years. I worry for her, I hope she does not suffer the same fate as the other lady Nit I photographed in Bangkok who is now 49 and still working the sex scene.

Walking down the regular photo Soi (road) tonight after not making photographs there for 3 or 4 days was kind of fun. Many people in the shortime bars called out to me and I heard my name on 2 occasions, people were so friendly asking me to come over and talk and joke around with them. If I had more time to spend here I could establish better long term relationships. I now think that I will return next year and do more photographs with the 8x10 camera and white background studio set up. I expect to have 7 weeks to shoot in 2009 and will probably return in May to do that work. I have emails and phone numbers for most of the people I photographed and I hope to hand out some free prints and reshoot people when I return. I think Jock Sturges and Jim were right I will try to come back year after year and continue to make portraits of the same people, it is important I establish strong relationships with the people I photograph.

Time to pack and prepare for my return to Canada, am eager to develop the film and make the prints.

2 More Ladyboys Photographed

I went out at 12am and found 2 ladyboys to photograph around 3am, now it is close to 5am and I am heading home after updating this blog. I have to load film when I get home and then wake up at 10 am to photograph 2 more ladyboys, Mat (2nd time) and Bee. After I photograph the 2 people tomorrow my film will be basically done. I think I will have some 4x5 film but all my roll film should be finished. If I have any 4x5 film left I will load it and photograph a few ladies I know here, maybe a girl I know from 2003 and 2007 named nit and possibly the girl I met again tonight Bee.

The ladyboys shoots tonight were so so. The first ladyboy was named Ann, she was pretty but difficult to photograph, I did my best but I fear I might not have any good photographs of her. The second ladyboy might be the best one of the trip, her name was Tia and she was exceptional for photographs. She was very visual and moved simply and easily during the shoot, which made my job easier. Tia told me she has made a sex movie with farang men where one shot the video and the other took photos. She seemed sad and lost and a bit confused. I think she might be HIV positive as she did not really look healthy. She was also very aggressive towards me sexually, I had to basically pull her hands away and say sorry I only wanted to take photographs. The different personalities of all the ladyboys I have photographed makes each portrait session a unique photographic experience.

Dealing with people in a polite way is my first rule. I try to be honest and straight forward and treat the people I photograph with the most respect I can, and usually they return that respect and kindness. The owner of the short time room tonight was rather rude to me but I just kept on being polite and thanking her with respectfull Thai vocabulary, when I left at the end of the 2nd shoot I thanked her again and she was somewhat less rude, she kind of nodded to me in acceptance of my thanks.

Bee Lady Sex Worker

Went down to find some ladyboys to photograph today and was sitting drinking some water when a lady sex worker I had met briefly the night before came up and sat down beside me to talk.

The girls name was Bee, 21 years old. She came from a farming community in Issan (poorest area of Thailand). Bee had never known her mother, her father died when she was young, she was raised by an Aunt with a farang husband and a grandmother. When the grandmother died the Aunt through Bee out. Bee has a son that is 2 1/2 years old. The son lives with her ex Thai husband in Issan.

Bee came to work in Pattaya and now has a farang boyfriend who is 37, she misses him but is not sure the farang man loves her. Her boyfriend is from Ireland and according to Bee he will come back to Thailand and marry her he will pay 500 000 baht in dowry along with 5 baht in gold (weight of gold for the rings and necklace at the wedding). Bee's dream is to own a house and a small business of any kind. When I suggested she use the money he is sending her to go to school she told me she was to old now for school.

Bee was friendly and nice but very street smart and not shy in the words she used. She said to me "I do not fuck other man only my boyfriend". She was walking a street thou that is frequented by freelance sex workers so am not sure how much of her story is true. She told me the boyfriend was sending her 20 000 baht a month if that was so why wsa she working a street that paid 500 baht for short time sex? She might be alone or the boyfriend might not be sending her money.

I felt sorry for her she was polite and funny, talking openly and freely to me. There is so much more she could do with her life, she speaks English well, she is a quick and smart lady. She told me "I know everything no farang can bullshit me!"

A very practical and upfront lady far to savy for a 21 year old, her life has be tough and she has become strong.

Maybe I will try to photograph her, my film almost finished thou.

Simple Pleasures

It is amazing how enjoyable getting your hair dyed, cut and washed can be. I just spent an hour or so under the care of 3 Thai ladies as they worked on my hair, the ladies smiled laughed and told stories, I even got flirted with a bit, total cost $12 including tip. The lady who washed my hair gave me a massage on my face and shoulders. Going back to Canada and paying over $50+ for far less service will be hard to take.

I am going to miss Thailand!

Quote: From the Book " Ladyboys the Secret World of Thailands Third Gender"

"I didn't choose to be born like this. I am who I am. And to be honest, I like who I am."

Current Portrait Count

The current portrait session count is.

17 different ladyboy sex workers.
3 different lady sex workers

I expect to shoot Mat (2nd time) and Bee tomorrow along with 2 more freelance ladyboys to make a total of 20 (different) ladyboys and 4 woman, 24 people total, not bad for 2 weeks work.

Mat and Dao

Photographed 2 more ladyboys at 10am today Mat and Dao, they came to my room and I did the shoot in the room. Mat was one of my favorite models from last year, I really like her facial expressions eyes and hair. Mat reminds me of a lady I shot in the 3 hearts series from 1999, the ladyboy Mat has similar hair and skin color to the lady Nong from the earlier series, not sure Nong would like if I told her this ladyboy reminded me of her but she/he does!

I have Matt returning again tomorrow with another ladyboy named Bee, I will photograph Mat a second time (only second shoot of this trip) and Bee for the first time.

I would also like to go to and photograph 2 more ladyboys in short time rooms, but they do not come out till around midnight. I would like to photograph Mat, Bee and 2 more freelance sex worker ladyboys and that will be it. If I have any film left I will go to photograph a lady I have photographed 2 times before ( in 2003 and 2007 named nit). After the Nit shoot I should be out of film.

Good Band

I had a nice moment tonight just wandering the streets. There was a good Thai band playing in a beer bar, it was about 3am and the bar was mostly empty, I was standing outside buying some barbecued squid when I heard the band playing. They played 2 Eric Clapton songs, Sunshine of my Love and Cocaine. The guitar player of the band was especially gifted, not that the drunk farang and sex workers in the bar noticed. I was standing outside and clapped and the guitar player raised his hand in acknowledgement of my appreciation. It must be very tough to play night in and night out and have no one really pay attention to your talent and passion.

Insulting Ladyboys

Nut a ladyboy I photographed earlier this week told me that many times farang men will talk to them and pretend they are interested just to have fun with their friends. They approach the ladyboy and make a joke of it, Nut told me this has happened to her many times. To be a lady trapped inside a mans body must be very difficult, at least here in Thailand there is a higher level of tolerance than there is in the West.

Wednesday July 30

I only did 2 photo shoots today, a ladyboy named Ann and a named ladyboy Pim but it was a good day. Both ladyboys were interested and visually strong in the sessions and both I think will contribute photos for the box portfolio I have planned. I shot them both in a short time sex room I rented for 2 hours. Ann seemed the sadder of the two she told me how she did not want to fall in love because it only leads to pain. Pim was stronger and independent she seemed to have a thicker skin than many of the ladyboys I have photographed. She was very moody and into the shoot, sort of performing for the camera without me having to add much input, she ordered in cigarettes to add to the mood, she kind of reminded me of a Marlene Dietrich type person.

Tonight I also made arrangements to shoot 2 ladyboys from last year tomorrow morning at 10 am, this will be the 5Th and 6Th shoot with the people I have shot before. I am trying to follow Jocks advice about establishing relationships and reshooting the same people over longer periods of time.

Running Out of Days

Have only a handfull of days left, I still have film to shoot about 8 people. Today was basically a day of rest, I had a nice meal with a friend and prepared all my equipment for tomorrow.

I wanted to shoot photos in a new parts of the city here so I went out and talked to some ladyboys about making photographs. I also found 2 shorttime rooms where I could make photographs. I have 3 scheduled shoots for tomorrow at 6pm, 8pm and 12 am. Will see how it goes, am feeling a bit burnt out. I need to go home to Canada take a rest and recharge my batteries before developing the film and making prints.

At times I am a bit imtimidated when creating this work, making the images puts me into some what dangerous situations. Ladyboys can be physically and sexually aggressive much more so than the woman sex workers I photographed in the past, so that can be a bit daunting.

I just hope the photographs honestly portray the people I am photographing and that the images are sensitve to who they are as individuals. As I make the portraits I am trying to let the individual personalities of the subjects come forth, I want to show their humanity as Jock Sturges and Jim suggested.

I---

I---, is a man I have known since 1999. I met him again last night, he is a sex pat (ex pat who lives in Thailand to buy sex) he came to Thailand in search of sex and has lived her since 1997 to that end. I---, has lost count of the woman he has slept with, he slept with 2 or 3 a day when I first met him but now because of his age(66) he only has sex with 1 different girl each day. This type of life might seem like paradise (I---'s word) to many men. He does not work, he eats, sleeps, drinks and f_cks that is what his life is about. I---, even has business cards printed up to hand out to the girls.

Nit

Walked into some areas of Thailand I had not visited for years. I ran into an old friend from my earlier photographs of sex workers. The ladies name is Nit, I have photographed her 2 times before in 1999 and in 2003, tonight when we meet again she quickly recognised me and was interested in making more photographs. She looked so tired this photo session, in 2003 she said she was 43 and now she says she is 49 which is about right, but she looks so much older. Living the life she has lived has really worn her down. She told me how many farang men will pay her so they can urinate on her or pay her to urinate on them. She told me she often does not get wet when she is having sex with a farang and does not like sex at all anymore. When she is having sex with her customer she tries to think about nothing, the only thing she thinks about is hoping he will finish quickly. I tried to photograph her in a way that showed how worn down she has become both physically and emotionally. Will I photograph her again? no doubt in the future I will. I wish she could have some good luck and get out of this world.

Ladyboys Are Lining Up for Photo Sessions

Talked to around 8 or 9 ladyboys tonight all are interested in doing photographs some for a second time. I have 3 tentatively scheduled for tomorrow, I might have to do 2 ladyboys then go back to my apartment and reload film and come back and shoot the 3rd and possibly 4Th person. Not sure I can do 4 shoots in one night, with the heat, walking and the heavy camera bag plus making the images it is quite physically demanding.

I do not expect much difficulty in finding enough different ladyboys to photograph. I am getting a reputation here now and they are starting to come to me instead of me needing to seek them out.

So far I have photographed 11 ladyboys and 2 woman ( 1 ladyboy and 1 girl from last years shoots posed again). Nut another ladyboy from last year asked me to photograph her tomorrow.

I will have to do my best tomorrow because on Monday I might be taking a one night trip to meet some farang sex pats I know. I also want to visit some old stomping grounds and see if I can find some old Thai friends.

Tun

Photographed a ladyboy from last year named Ji Ji. Last year she was sort of angry during the shoot but today she was very pleasant. Ji Ji has had breast surgery since last year and now had quite large breasts (last year she was flat chested). I liked photographing her because she had nice large eyes and a expressive face. Ji Ji told me a story of how she had a farang boyfriend who she liked very much who at first did not know she was a ladyboy and liked being with her even after he found out. A few years passed and the man changed his mind and said he could not stay with her anymore because she was a ladyboy. Ji Ji thinks the man broke up with her because he was embarrassed to introduce her to his family, the guy was Welsh from Great Britain.

I also photographed a lady (2nd one) named Tun who was a very nice person. Tun is 27 without a mother or father and has no children. I guess a 4 years back she was selling food on the street in Bangkok and after her father died she moved into the sex industry. Tun laughed alot during our shoot and we had a grand time. Afterwards she wanted to meet me outside the bar and I told her sorry I could not. When I was about to leave the bar she gave me a hom gam (kisses on both cheeks, sort of a smell kiss, like she wants to inhale you, Thai woman often do this with their children or people they have strong feelings for). I meet so many girls like Tun here, kind people with good hearts working in this shit industry, heartbreaking.

Old Man With Thai Woman

Was buying some sweets on the street today when a old man of close to 80 shuffled by. He was heavily tanned and wore a old style hat which seemed odd, the man had obviously been living in Thailand for years. Four steps behind him followed his Thai lady friend, she was probably in her 30s and carried 3 small bags, I was not sure they were together until I saw him stop at the corner and she ran up to hold his hand as he crossed the street.

The thing that struck me was not the age difference which is quite common here but their facial expressions, both looked so bored with each other so unloving. It seemed more like the woman was the older mans nurse not his wife or lover.

There was a music video on Thai TV last week. The song was sung by a young Thai male who lost his young girlfriend to an old rich fat farang. In the video the girl kept rubbing the farang mans fat belly while the Thai man sang the song and cried about lost love. It must get quite frustrating for younger Thai men here who lose there woman to older, uglier, fatter but rich foreigners.

Goy and Oy

Met two very nice ladies working as sex workers in short time bars here today. Shortime bar girls sit outside their bar waiting for customers then go up to rooms upstairs for sex.

Goy is 22 a small polite lady with soft face and eyes, she has been working the scene for a while I think and is starting to harden a bit. I met her my first night here and tonight she called me over to sit beside her and have a talk.

Oy is 21 but looks 18, she has the face of a young girl. She laughs easily and quickly and seems like a very nice good hearted person.

I wonder what their futures hold, I might come back to the bar in 2 years and their smiles would have faded no doubt they could have more tattoos and be more saddened and pessimistic about life. Maybe they will become hooked on some drug be alcoholic or be HIV positive and banished from the bar.

I hope they will have some good luck and meet a decent guy who will pull them out of this world as fast as possible.

Language Skills

Well the language thing seems to be improving. I am understanding more and more of overheard conversations. Things on TV are also more clear than they were last year. In the past much Thai language talk was sort of background noise for me now I am at the point that I am understanding things even when I do not try to.

A Much Better Night

Well last night sort of sucked photo wise but tonight was a home run. I found two very good ladyboy subjects. Both were nice polite people with interesting, strong faces. I photographed Bui aged 21 and Cake age 22, am looking forward to getting back to Canada and working on their photographs.

I also met a ladyboy from last year named Ji Ji. I liked photographing her last year even thou she was kind of angry/aggressive at the time. One of my favorite photographs from last year is the one I took of Ji Ji with her hands cupped. I will photograph her again tomorrow night and give her the photograph from last year as a gift.

http://gerryyaum.com/SW16.html

Battery Charger Repaired

Well I was able to get the battery charger for the Turbo battery repaired. I can now shoot all my 4x5 film. I hope I can find the people I need to make good photographs, I wish I had just one exta week. I have to push hard making photographs until I leave Thailand, then fly accross the world and return to work 1 day after I am in Canada. This vaction thing is exhausting!

Finding Faces Difficult

Am in a bit of a dilemma. I am facing a problem I anticipated in Canada. How do you find strong faces that will hold a wall (hold the viewers attention in a gallery) in the limited time I have to make the photographs? If I had more time I could search out the faces that inspire me to make photographs but with only 2 weeks to shoot all my film before returning to Canada my subject options are limited.

I only photographed 1 ladyboy today named Emmy and was uninspired by the other people I had the opportunity to photograph. Tonight was also a tough night physically feel a bit run down and tired. I need to have a good sleep and recharge the batteries. Tomorrow I will try finding ladyboys in a different area of the city.

Oyster Boy

Just ate 7 large raw oysters! The oysters are served in the shell with ice you eat them with fried onions, lemon juice , spicy Thai sauce, lemon grass or garlic along with a raw Thai vegetable that you eat last. The first time I ate this dish was last year and I was really looking forward to the dish again. My stomach seems to holding up rather nicely but I continue to eat medicine for my previous stomach problems.

I think I might go for traditional Thai massage also. There is a place I can get a massage here that costs 200 baht for 2 hours, when you add the 100 baht tip for the massage person it works out to around $10 CAD for 2 hours of bliss.

The best news thou is I was able to take my battery plus transformer charger to a local repair shop. The man in the shop said the problem was with the transformer/charger (not the battery) and he could convert it to 220 volt power for $200 Baht $6-7 CAD. Thai people are very skilled at repairing broken things. This is the second time I had a problem with the Bananarama, first it was the flash bracket that broke and I had it repaired now it is the charger for the Bananarama Turbo battery that will hopefully be repaired (find out tonight at 5pm).

If the battery charger cord can be repaired I should have enough time to charge the battery, change film and go out and photograph 2 more ladyboys tonight. I have photographed 7 ladyboys and 1 lady so far. I want to photograph a minimum of 20 different ladyboys, then hopefully I will have enough good photos to do my box portfolio set "A Box of 10 Ladyboys".

I feel like I am getting into a nice rhythm with the cameras. There are less and less technical mistakes and I feel a nice flow when using the equipment. I can focus and use the Bananarama quite smoothly now so I hope I can shoot the rest of my b/w sheet film and the few sheets of color negative 4x5 I brought along. The friendships with the people I photograph are growing also, all the people I photograph are friendly to me after and often stop me to talk to to me on the street when they see me. If I could stay here for 1 year I could really establish some long term friendships. Two girls I photographed back in 2003 still work the bars here and I was able to speak to both of them last night.

I have so far stayed clear of the angry farang bar owner I met the other night so hopefully that is not a problem any longer. Things seem to be balancing out and going quite smoothly now.

Another Good Photo Day

Ate a great meal of barbecue at a local mall, you order your food raw and cook it at the table. It was really delicious!! After being pretty sick for the last few days I sort of gorged myself on this food. I really love Thai food, it is now my favorite food followed by Chinese and Japanese.

Went and photographed 2 more ladyboys. Nicky aged 26 and Goby aged 20. Both were very polite people and I especially liked to photograph Nicky, she talked to me about many things. I learned for example that if ladyboys want to join a temple as a monk or a nun they join as a monk if they have not had the breast surgery and as a nun if they have had the breast surgery.

My flash battery for my Bananarama system has run down. I will try to charge it all night (doubt that will work), tomorrow I will take it to local electronic repair shop to see if they can do anything. If the battery cannot be repaired I will go to a pro camera store to see a replacement or repair the one I have. I think thou that my using the bananarama for making ladyboy photos is done now, even thou I still have over 200 sheet sheets of 4x5 film, DAMN!

The Cremation 2

What struck me most about the cremation was the simplicity and finality of it all. I knew this man in real life, he was a strong man a decent and good man and here he was in this coffin and I could see his face and body as it was surrounded by smoke and flames. It is a fate that awaits us all, someday the guy in the coffin will be me. It is so important to live your life to the fullest while you have a chance, to not live life in fear but to push yourself to live an exceptional life. I think if anything it reaffirmed the need I had to create a body of work while I was still physically able to do it. Life is a fragile thing that ends all to soon we must use the time given us properly.

I can still in my minds eye see the flames rising up around the coffin, the body lying inside not moving, the family crying and reaching out. The cremation is something I will never forget.

A Good Photo Day

Had a good photographing day, I photographed 2 ladyboys named Ji Ji and Sammy. Sammy was quiet and polite with nice large eyes and a sensitive nature,she had a 60 year old Denmark boyfriend who took care of her. Ji Ji was over the top expressive with large facial expressions and mannerisms. Ji Ji told me that she had made many sex movies with farangs and was on many Internet sites, she really enjoyed the photo session and seemed disappointed when it was over.

I have another camera related problem, my quantum turbo battery is not charging so I will not be able to use the Bananarama with flash soon. I have a back up charger and 2ND quantum turbo in Canada but made the mistake of not bringing them in case of an emergency. I wanted to travel light and will probably pay for that mistake. The quantum battery is almost dead now and I still have around 250 sheets of film to shoot. Made a bad mistake I should have brought the backup for emergencies. I will go to a pro camera store to see if I can a replacement charger or possibly buy another new quantum battery. I would hate to not be able to shoot that final 250 sheets of film.