Before my nighthshift today I photographed my father in the basement studio I have set up at his house today. Dad was such a good sport, he posed for me simply to please me, he did it for his son even thou he is so weak an frail and dying of cancer now. Dad managed to slowly make it up and down the stairs on his own and sat and posed for me for maybe 40 minutes, doing everything I asked. At one time during the shoot near the end I broke down and started crying a bit. I told him how much I will miss him when he is gone, how I will think of him everyday, dad just looked at me with large sad eyes and said nothing. My fathers eyes seem bigger now, its a result of him losing so much weight, his eyes have stayed the same size but his face is smaller than before. I wish I could give him some of my years, so that he could live healthy and happy until 84 or 85, he deserves those years more than I do.
In the past when I was down, I would just think about something photographic, some project, or some idea and my depression would disapear. If I went into the darkroom or made pics I would forget about any problem, any issue, photography has always been a magic drug for me that cures all ills. Now thou I find that I cannot get away from my sadness, everything I do to try to pull myself out of it even my photography does not work, it always comes back to thoughts about dad.
Today I probably photographed dad for the last time in the studio, I hope I created something worthwhile, a tribute to the man my father is. I want him to be remembered, I want his story to not be forgotten after he is gone.
Update* I developed 3 of the 5x7 and 5 of the 8x10 sheets of film I shot of dad as soon as I got home from work in the morning, they look good, well exposed and processed. The photos will be sad because of dads condition but I hope they will also show kindness and humanity.
In the past when I was down, I would just think about something photographic, some project, or some idea and my depression would disapear. If I went into the darkroom or made pics I would forget about any problem, any issue, photography has always been a magic drug for me that cures all ills. Now thou I find that I cannot get away from my sadness, everything I do to try to pull myself out of it even my photography does not work, it always comes back to thoughts about dad.
Today I probably photographed dad for the last time in the studio, I hope I created something worthwhile, a tribute to the man my father is. I want him to be remembered, I want his story to not be forgotten after he is gone.
Update* I developed 3 of the 5x7 and 5 of the 8x10 sheets of film I shot of dad as soon as I got home from work in the morning, they look good, well exposed and processed. The photos will be sad because of dads condition but I hope they will also show kindness and humanity.
