I did the talk at the University of Alberta today, it seems to go quite well. I think every time I do these these things the talks improve. I am still a bit nervous and uncomfortable especially at the beginning but I am definitely improving each time out. This time around I was less wild rambling, things were mostly on topic and focused. I need to improve my introductory comments, and stay more on topic throughout (more photo technique teaching?), I have to try to get people more involved early (a funny story off the top?). At the end of the talk I need to work on some kind of closing statement that puts things to rest cleaner.
I need to overcome my before and after nervousness and anxiety, I am writing this 8 hours after the completion of the talk and am still pretty wound up. Hopefully the more of these I do the less anxiety I will experience, the talks are fun, but the butterflies, nervousness and insecurities are not. After years of photographic rejection and struggle I think I am still a bit surprised people actually want to hear me and that my artistic feelings, photographs and thoughts actually have some value. Its like, are you sure you want to hear my thoughts? See my work? Why now? This must be a mistake, right? "It's me you wanted, right?"Sometimes its like I'm thinking I do not belong in the room and they got the wrong guy, like I am this security guard (which I am) that just opened the door and wandered in where I didn't belong. "Oops, sorry, excuse me I will leave now!"
There might be a big bonus to this whole process, I am starting to feel that its not a mistake and that I do belong in this club, I am not just bluffing my way through it. Confidence breeds confidence, any success, any positives will no doubt help me push forward in new ways, creating new and better work. As the shows get bigger, as the talks get better, I hope my personal confidence will grow and next time 8 hours after the fact I will not be still all WOUND UP! : ).
Even if none of that happens, if there are no more shows, no more talks, the most important thing is I need and have to make photos, if I do that everything else will be OK, I will be happy. For me the photos have always been enough the rest is gravy.
In todays talk I showed 2 short films, "The Train Is Coming" opening night video, and "The Families of the Dump" slide show video. I also spoke about various things, told several stories and showed 20 or so loose reject fibre prints from Klong Toey slum and the "Body Sellers, the sex worker on white background pictures. The whole thing ended up lasting about hour and I got maybe 10 questions. There were 23-26 students and 2 teachers at the talk, more than I expected, which was a bit intimidating at first but I soon got used to it.
I feel the talk was a success, and the best of the 3 I have done (the first alone without other artists), but there is still plenty of room for improvement. I hope I conveyed my love for documentary photography and the creation of photographs. Most importantly I hope everyone understood my respect and compassion for the people I photograph.
I am looking forward to the possibility of doing more of these in the future, the teacher Sima (the person who invited me) seemed quite happy, and the students for the most part seemed involved, it was a fun time and a good experience. I hope I can speak at a variety of venues to different types of people. This would allow me to tell the stories of my subjects, to promote the work, encourage photography and possibly inspire others to find their own voice.
The next talk will be in the middle of December at PhotoNOLA in New Orleans for "Body Sellers".
I need to overcome my before and after nervousness and anxiety, I am writing this 8 hours after the completion of the talk and am still pretty wound up. Hopefully the more of these I do the less anxiety I will experience, the talks are fun, but the butterflies, nervousness and insecurities are not. After years of photographic rejection and struggle I think I am still a bit surprised people actually want to hear me and that my artistic feelings, photographs and thoughts actually have some value. Its like, are you sure you want to hear my thoughts? See my work? Why now? This must be a mistake, right? "It's me you wanted, right?"Sometimes its like I'm thinking I do not belong in the room and they got the wrong guy, like I am this security guard (which I am) that just opened the door and wandered in where I didn't belong. "Oops, sorry, excuse me I will leave now!"
There might be a big bonus to this whole process, I am starting to feel that its not a mistake and that I do belong in this club, I am not just bluffing my way through it. Confidence breeds confidence, any success, any positives will no doubt help me push forward in new ways, creating new and better work. As the shows get bigger, as the talks get better, I hope my personal confidence will grow and next time 8 hours after the fact I will not be still all WOUND UP! : ).
Even if none of that happens, if there are no more shows, no more talks, the most important thing is I need and have to make photos, if I do that everything else will be OK, I will be happy. For me the photos have always been enough the rest is gravy.
In todays talk I showed 2 short films, "The Train Is Coming" opening night video, and "The Families of the Dump" slide show video. I also spoke about various things, told several stories and showed 20 or so loose reject fibre prints from Klong Toey slum and the "Body Sellers, the sex worker on white background pictures. The whole thing ended up lasting about hour and I got maybe 10 questions. There were 23-26 students and 2 teachers at the talk, more than I expected, which was a bit intimidating at first but I soon got used to it.
I feel the talk was a success, and the best of the 3 I have done (the first alone without other artists), but there is still plenty of room for improvement. I hope I conveyed my love for documentary photography and the creation of photographs. Most importantly I hope everyone understood my respect and compassion for the people I photograph.
I am looking forward to the possibility of doing more of these in the future, the teacher Sima (the person who invited me) seemed quite happy, and the students for the most part seemed involved, it was a fun time and a good experience. I hope I can speak at a variety of venues to different types of people. This would allow me to tell the stories of my subjects, to promote the work, encourage photography and possibly inspire others to find their own voice.
The next talk will be in the middle of December at PhotoNOLA in New Orleans for "Body Sellers".
