Scary

Am making up another 2 prints today on my last day off before I start work again. Printing for the show is exciting but also scary. I am making photographs that will hang at my first solo show in one of the nicest facilities in the city, that is a bit intimidating! I will be showing my work on my own without any others to carry the burden. All the shooting, printing, framing are on my shoulders, it will be all me, no assistants or outside help. It all is a bit scary, I worry about not being able to tell the story the way I want to.

Financially I have to support this whole project myself which is now running probably over $10 000. I got one travel grant from the Edmonton Art's Council for $750 (paid for 1/2 an air ticket) but everything else I had to pay for myself including another $600 for photo paper I ordered yesterday. My compensation from the gallery is $200.

The financial part is difficult but I can struggle my way through that, I am trying to get a second job now. Being the only guy showing in such a large venue with a opening night and all those responsibilities is a bit unnerving. In the past when I have had to go to these things or to speak about my work I have been uncomfortable at first but once I got going and started talking about what I love it got easier, I hope that happens this time as well. I love creation process, and feel a responsibility to those I photograph so talking about that has always come easy to me. Hopefully when I am in the room with the photos and start speaking it will come easy (hope I do not babble on to much as I can get rather excited about the work). I might be getting ahead of myself on all of this as an opening has not been confirmed by the Kassa Gallery people.

Got to get back to the darkroom now, still have one print to do. I am working on a 4x5 flash shot I did of a younger boxer in front of a pool table. The earlier prints made this week were all 35mm and were quite difficult to do, hopefully this print will be easier to make. I then need to bleach/re-fix/hypo clear and selenium tone the print before washing and drying it. Back to my security night shifts tonight!

I am happy to have printed 6 possible show photographs, I need to print than many or more the next time I am off.