With dad's illness I have been thinking a lot of the future these last few weeks. I will be 50 years old in a few days, 50 is a scary number for me, I am entering old man territory now. Somehow 30 or 40 did not bother me but now at 50 I will have less time left than time spent.
When my beautiful father leaves us I will get some money from his (and my mothers) lifetime of hard work. What to do with it? How to use it in a way that will honour him? I initially thought of buying a piece of a small property he owns but that looks like non starter. Then I thought about buying a nice condo in Thailand, but I am unsure of that plan as well. What's the use of having a pretty condo if you have no money to live on and your sitting in a guard shack in Canada watching the years pass you by.
The current plan would be to work security for a few more years at my current higher paying job (I have worked same site for 17 years), I could pay off my line of credit debt and save another 20 - 30 thousand dollars. I think I could probably do that by the time I am 53 or 54. Then I could quit my security job (something I am afraid to do) and go to Asia for 6 months to make photos. After 6 months in Asia I would return to Canada and work any kind of low wage old man job (probably low paying security) for 6 months to pay for my Canadian cost of living bills. While in Canada I could also develop the film shot in Asia and see how the work is progressing. I would repeat this process over and over, quit the low paying job in Canada after 6 months and return to make photos in Asia for the next 6 etc. With the 20 - 30 thousand in savings plus dads money I could probably keep this up for 7-10 years. I would have to live cheap in Thailand and elsewhere in Asia, eating local foods, staying in lower end rental properties and limiting my plane travel (mostly buses). If I play my cards right I could make the money last till I am 64 it 65 when I could start cashing a small a amount of RSPs I have in the bank. Canadian old age pension kicks in around 67 so I should eventually be getting a bit of money from that.
Having 7-10, 6 month Asia trips should produce a extremely large body of photographs. I could make photos in countries all over Southeast Asia, Thailand, Cambodia, Burma, Laos, Nepal, India, Bangladesh, Vietnam, Indonesia, Philippines etc. I have 4 freezers full of film and photo paper, not sure I would have enough to last 10 years but there should be a 5 plus year supply at least. I have a ton of 35mm, 4x5 and 5x7 and something like 600 sheets of 8x10 Tri-x I could use up. With this plan I could shoot all that film and tell many important stories.
When your depressed is probably not the best time to be making plans for your future but I need to do something meaningful with dad's money, something with purpose, something that will honour his hard work and love. I also want to completely commit myself, to throw myself forward regardless of the gallery and other rejections. I know what I have to do and screw what the arty people think, I am sure I am on the right path. Sometimes you need to be brave you need to throw caution to the wind say f-ck it and dive in head first.
