I sat there and thought of father. It was hard to be at Radium again, all week I had been experiencing dad flash back moments. Places we had been together as a family, things dad had done, moments we had shared. I remembered his contentenment and happinesss while relaxing in the hot water of Radium. Dad worked hard his whole life, so I rarely saw him happily laying around but Radium Hot Springs was one of the places he did kick back and enjoy life.
So there I was on Saturday looking across the dark almost empty swimming pool. It was a bit chilly, large amounts of steam rose off the hot pool water. In my mind, in my memory, I imagined my father walking towards me through the water then sitting down and telling me some story from when he was young living on the farm. He was young, he was healthy, he looked strong and happy. He was my beautiful father walking towards me and sitting down with a sigh. Then he spoke to me in the close way we always spoke, like we were sharing a secret that no one else knew.
Oh how I wish I could have gone back 30 or 40 years in time and been with dad there again just once more. If I could only go back for a short time to when I was 12 and just sit with him once again as father and son. That is not going to happen, it is only a dream, instead I was there in the water by myself, wishing the impossible. Dad was gone, gone forever. I was alone.
Everything is so final now, no more chances to be with him again, no more time to make up for my past mistakes. No more sitting with dad in the hot waters of Radium.