Missed Grant Writing Workshop

Last Saturday I missed out on a chance to attend a grant writing conference for EAC (Edmonton Art Council) grants. I had signed up and was accepted to the free course but had to cancel when moms doctors appointment was scheduled at the same time. It sucked to miss this thing but I got to take care of mom first, that is a no brainer. I think I have failed on my last 10 or so EAC grant attempts, I am doing something wrong. Will try to attend the next workshop if they have it again.

Dreamt Of Dad

Just had a short dad dream. We were traveling together and were sitting at a restaurant called the "Pink Rabbit". This restaurant was in a location of multiple restaurants on a high way corner. Every restaurant was on a cliff of overlooking the sea.

The "Pink Rabbit" was closing down, it was their last day. The management of all the corner cliff restaurants were handing out brochures on how to open and and run a business. That was always dads dream, to own a restaurant to cook in a restaurant. The course was going to take place in 3 years time. In the dream dad was in his 80s and very sick with cancer but he looked at me and told me about the conference. He never asked me to go but I knew he wanted to. I kissed him on the forehead and told him I would drive him back in 3 years so he could learn how to open his own restaurant. In the dream I admired his strength and courage, I thought "here he is in his 80s with cancer and he will not give up, he has dreams". Then I woke up.

The dream was like my dad, my father, working hard till the end. I need to show the same courage and re-devote myself to my photography, screw what the JURIES say. I will succeed! I will get my stories told! I will get a book published! I will follow my fathers example.

Another Grant Failure

Got rejected for the Burtynsky book grant for the second time. They chose to produce a book on aging and the family or as the jury put it "images of her family members interacting with textiles, household objects and each other" over children and families living in garbage. Guess they thought it was the more important story to tell. I do like the photo included below. The subject of one family thou seems to lack scope. Would like to see more photos, the interacting with textiles and household objects sounds BIZARRE!

You got to love the totally impersonal generic email the CONTACT TEAM sent out. Looks to be written by a robot.

A depressing failure again. I doubt I will ever have a real photo book published. A lifetime of photography, a lifetime of devotion and not one book, rather pathetic.

Burtynsky Grant

Birthe Piontek, Holding, 2015, from Abendlied. Courtesy of the artist.

2018 Burtynsky Grant awarded to Birthe Piontek for Abendlied

Canadian photographer Edward Burtynsky and CONTACT established the Burtynsky Grant in 2016—a $5,000 annual grant to support Canadian artists and photographers who are at the advanced stages of developing a photobook for publication.

The jury—Edward Burtynsky, Taia Kwinter (Associate Managing Editor, Aperture), Maxine Proctor(Managing Editor, BlackFlash; director and co-founder, Toronto Art Book Fair) and Marcus Schubert (Director of Media, Publications & Exhibits, Burtynsky Studios)—considered many innovative and compelling book projects from across Canada.

“Birthe Piontek’s Abendlied examines how individual relationships in a family are shaped by the processes of growing up, aging, and eventually letting go. Piontek’s well-resolved book project sequences images of her family members interacting with textiles, household objects, and each other to weave a cohesive yet curious narrative about identity and belonging.” – The Jury

Good morning,

Thank you for your submission to the 2018 Burtynsky Grant. We received close to 100 submissions from across Canada, and the jury considered many innovative and compelling projects.

The winner of this year’s grant is Vancouver-based Birthe Piontek for her photobook Abendlied. The jury would also like to acknowledge two Honourable Mentions: Eve Tagny’s Lost Love and Ian Willms’ We Shall See. See our website for more details: https://scotiabankcontactphoto.com/awards#burtynsky-grant

We hope you will consider submitting to the grant again in 2019. Until then, we wish you all the best.

The CONTACT Team

Photo Idea: "Lost Innocence"

Just had an idea for the "Lost Innocence" photography project. What if instead of making portraits in one place I did it in several countries. What if I did 5 portraits in a similar connected style in 5 different countries. Not sure where those countries would be probably all in South East Asia, Possibly places like Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, Bangladesh, Nepal? Showing the workers in multitude of different countries would reinforce the ugliness and universality of this type of abuse.

I am thinking of doing tight head shots, in color with a high end digital camera possibly a 50mb Hasselblad. I would then make extremely large wall sized prints for exhibition. The idea is to hit the gallery viewer over the head, slap them into being aware of these abused and used up lives. People in this world are used up, spit out and forgotten, the photographs would become a living memory of who they are-were and their importance.

Note* "Lost Innocence" deals with the forgotten lives of the poor young women who are condemned to live and die in lowest form of sex worker life, the brothel worker.

Quote: James Poniewozik (Writer)

Commenting on the Roseanne TV show cancellation.

"At least it picked the right one here. The battle against bigotry is not just about bigots. It’s about those who reap the benefits of ignoring bigots, and still think they should be able to call themselves good people. When an institution like ABC takes a stand — in prime time, where people notice it — that matters."

Quote: Diane Arbus

"I don't press the shutter. The image does. And it's being gently clobbered."

Next Week Off

Just going over in my mind what I will be doing my next week off.

- yard work.
- darkroom work, start to print the Penticton "Forgotten Laughter: Children of the Dump" photos
- take care of mom, cook her breakfasts, buy groceries, cut her lawn, take her to x-ray appointment, take her to doctor appointment.
- maybe do a bit of biking, go to the driving range and hit some golf balls.
- start photographing mom, maybe using the Banarama 4x5 camera with flash (Polaroid conversion camera).
- send out the mail in rebate for my P800 Epson printer (possible $500 back, or at least $350).
- finish the "Families of the Dump' Word presentation for Bob C. This presentation could lead to a possible show(s) and a fundraiser for the families down East.

Quote: Henry Ward Beecher (Clergyman And Social Reformer)

"No man is more cheated than the selfish man."

Quote: Albert Einstein

"Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them."

Quote: Martin Luther King Jr.

“We must discover the power of love, the redemptive power of love. And when we discover that, we will be able to make of this old world a new world. Love is the only way.”

Video Link: The Importance And Power Of Love, By Bishop Michael Curry

What a wonderful and important heart felt message delivered to the world at the recent royal wedding by Bishop Curry. Love is the answer, LOVE conquers all.

Here it is the video
Bishop Micheal Curry's Message Of Love, Harry And Meghan's Wedding

Haunted By Memories From Workers In Cambodia, Possible New "Lost Innocence" Photos

My mind keeps getting pulled back to the lives I photographed in Cambodia in 2003, and the proposed "Lost Innocence" project. Which would be a series of documentary portraits of the poor women and girls that work the brothels of South East Asia. I can never forget and continue to be pulled back over and over again to the people I met and photographed. I can still see their faces in my memories. Their desperation and sadness continues to haunt my thoughts. Some how I have to find the courage, to photograph and tell those stories again. These young women suffer so much, their lives most often are lost or destroyed, their strength and humanity must be remembered. If I return and make new photos, this time digitally I would call the project "Lost Innocence" and would try to get the work seen in major galleries. The stories of these forgotten girls/women need to be told.

The pictures could lead to dialogue, and might even help with some positive change. Maybe I could donate the money from the artist talks, exhibitions, and print sales (??) to organizations that help the young workers. I have read about one such place in Phnom Penh Cambodia. Imagine that, using the photos to help those who have suffered this terrible fate. That seems so right. I might also be able to make money to help from donators to the blog and  from friends. I could throw in some of my guard money as well. This could turn into a very positive series of pictures, helping those in need, just like "Families of the Dump" has become.

Going back into that world again (the world of prostitution) will be hard thou. It is such a negative place to be. People who see you there will assume the worst of me, it is also very emotionally draining, being around such ugliness such sadness all the time. I need push myself through the dangers and difficulties on and remember the woman in the photographs, they are all that matter, their lives, their stories. Helping them as best I can through the making of the photographs and the telling of their stories is all that is important, nothing else. Maybe if I do this right, I can put to rest the memories of the lost lives I witnessed in 2003.

Fok Vietnamese Brothel Sex Worker Poi Pet, Cambodia 2003

"KANATA" Portrait Possibilities

Been thinking tonight at work about possible "KANATA" portrait possibilities they include.

- First Nation peoples.
- Immigrants (new).
- Police
- Soldiers
- Lower income people
- Inmates
- Alt-right, racist group leaders
- Farmers
- Post office folk
- Politicians (Prime Minister? why not try)
- Religious leaders and ministers of all faiths (Catholic, Protestant, Hindu, Sikh, Muslim etc)

Note* "KANATA" is my planned cross Canada wet plate photography project.

Quote: Margaret Atwood (Writer)

“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them and women are afraid that men will kill them.”

Mom

My mothers health is deteriorating, and there seems nothing can be done about it. Mom has been sick for the last 2 months or so with nausea and lack of appetite. She has had multiple scans, tests and medicines. Has visited the doctor, and emergency 4 times. Mom has lost around 35lbs, down from 200 to the 165 or so. We are trying to figure out why she is nauseous all the time, is it physical illness? A depression? No one can tell us. Will take her for another scan on the 24th and another doctors appointment on the 26th.

I feel so lost in all of this, trying everything I can think of to help mom. She seems to have lost much of her will for life, and just wanders around her large house feeling sick and not eating. She sounds so bad and worn out when she speaks and has short term memory problems. I have started taking her breakfasts each morning after work as she has stopped cooking for herself. This morning it was pancakes and an egg, yesterday bacon and eggs. Today, yesterday, the day before that I also cleaned her house a bit, washed her dishes, took out the garbage etc. We have also gotten her a home care nurse that comes to check to make sure she takes all her medications, another person comes once a week to give her a bath (bought a bath chair for her). I am looking into getting meals delivered to her home. Will have to buy her a bunch of groceries next week also as she is starting to run out of juices, milks etc.

Mom does not want to go to an old age home of any kind (she is 82) and she does not want me to move in with her to help her. It is all so frustrating and sad. She is falling apart bit by bit and nothing I do seems to matter much. Losing mom so soon after dad (3 years 3 months ago) is unbearable. It is all so painful, so hopeless. I have taken to crying quite often again about mom. The tears came two days when I was begging her to fight her illness, they come whenever I think of her to much, and again a few minutes ago when I spoke to her on the telephone. We lost dad at 82, I thought mom would last into her 90s (my grandmother lived to 96) but we might lose her at 82 as well.

There was a time when I was 47 when everything was so beautiful. Mom and dad were healthy and happy, I was working and doing my photography at a higher level. I remember thinking back then that I wish I could freeze time, stop the clock. Wouldn't that have be wonderful? Imagine if I could have stopped the clock then. I could go tomorrow and talk to my father and give him a kiss. I could see my mother and him happily watching TV or doing some cooking together.. Dad could tease mom then wink and smile at me when she bit back (he loved to tease her). That world, and all of those things I remember and love are gone forever.

Update: Tonight I keep thinking of what mom must be feeling now, it must be so frightening for her. Losing her abilities little by little, one by one, what could be could be more frightening? I need to do my best to help her through this most difficult part of her life. My mother was always there fore me as dad was, she always cared for all the others in her life, she them first ahead of her own needs. Mom took care her mother (baba) in old age, her daughter, and dad when he got pancreatic cancer. If anyone has earned the right to be taken care of now it's my mother. 

Quote: Richard Pryor

[on experiencing racism]
"I was just on the Today show and they were telling me how wonderful I was and I walk out into the reality of America and I can't get a cab."

Quote: Koran (Quran 5:32)

“if any one killed a person, it would be as if he killed the whole mankind,”

More Possible Images

Some more, possible images to print. It all makes me a bit dizzy, trying to decide what  gets printed. So many other negs out there as possibles as well. Even have a bunch of new film shot this last trip still undeveloped.

 

 

Possible Exhibition Prints For "Forgotten Laughter: Children Of The Dump"

Been doing a bit of grabbing off the blog, looking for possible negs to print for the coming Penticton Gallery show. Who knows what the final selection will be. These were all made in late 2015 or mid 2016 I believe.

Possibles negs to print??

z

 

 

 

Links: "Forgotten Laughter: Children of the Dump" Exhibition At The Penticton Art Gallery

Got some more info today on the coming Penticton Art Gallery exhibition. The show will be called "Forgotten Laughter: Children of the Dump" and be shown in the Penticton Art Gallery project room. The exhibition will run fairly long about 1 month and 1/2 between September 21 and November 4, 2018. This will be the 3rd exhibition of the "Families" work, the first outside of Alberta. Other shows were held in Edmonton and Rosebud Alberta.

FACEBOOK: Penticton Art Gallery
Penticton Art Gallery

Penticton Art Gallery

I think this is the project room where the exhibition will be held within the larger gallery. I am still learning the exhibition details.

Project Room? Penticton Art Gallery

I am unsure how many photos I can exhibit. If the room is as large as the one above (project room?), I will need to get into the darkroom soon and print more work. I think I will print on 20x24 size paper. I might end up getting new white wooden frames made for the exhibition. The other option would be to go with my existing white metal frames. Should I include the new colour work in the exhibition? Or stick to the earlier 35mm, 120mm and 5x7 b/w negs? I think sticking to b/w photographs might be the way to go.
http://pentictonartgallery.com/exhibitions/

From the Penticton Gallery Site