Dad was not in the best of shape when I went to visit. He had not eaten much during the day and what he had eaten he threw up. He told me some nice stories but for the most part he was down and did not feel like speaking. This is such a tough thing you want your dad to stay with you, you do not want to lose him but you also do not want him to suffer in any way. At some point the quality of dads life is going to fall to such a degree that it will be a blessing for him to leave us. Until that time thou I want to try to make his life as happy as I can. Yesterday I got him some chicken and a hamburger, today took over some books and a movie he might enjoy. Tomorrow I will take him some roasted pork ribs which he likes.
It is so hard to see him down and struggling, he is such an independent man he hates to ask for help. Today he had a hard time standing and I helped get him out of his kitchen chair and to his walker, then he made it on his own to the sofa to watch TV. I do not want him to see me cry so I try to keep things up when we are together but often when I leave him to go home or to work it is so tough.
My father still maintains his sense of humour, he told me a tale tonight that was fun. I think he told me the story because he saw that I had teared up and he wanted to cheer me up. Even when dad is sick and dying with cancer he is worried about my feelings, and me being down. One thing I worry about is that I do not want him to give up to soon because he thinks he is to much of a burden to the family. He does not like being a bother and dislikes having other people do things for him all the time, he feels guilty he cannot do it himself. If anyone has earned the right to be catered to its my father who gave and gave and gave his whole life. Dad always puts others in the family before himself. I have to try to convince him now its OK for us to take care of him and that he should should fight on, eat and try to enjoy what life he has left.
The day I lose my father will be the worst day of my life, I know that day is coming soon but I try not to think about it, I try to distract myself. I worry for my mother as well, how terrible will that day be for her? She is older and has been with dad forever. It is all beyond my control tomorrow I will take dad his ribs and we can go from there, one day at a time.
The pic below was made with the Canon Mark II 5D and Larry's favourite lens the 24mm F1.4. I am not sure really how to manipulate the digi files with photoshop elements as they respond differently than scanned b/w film files.
It is so hard to see him down and struggling, he is such an independent man he hates to ask for help. Today he had a hard time standing and I helped get him out of his kitchen chair and to his walker, then he made it on his own to the sofa to watch TV. I do not want him to see me cry so I try to keep things up when we are together but often when I leave him to go home or to work it is so tough.
My father still maintains his sense of humour, he told me a tale tonight that was fun. I think he told me the story because he saw that I had teared up and he wanted to cheer me up. Even when dad is sick and dying with cancer he is worried about my feelings, and me being down. One thing I worry about is that I do not want him to give up to soon because he thinks he is to much of a burden to the family. He does not like being a bother and dislikes having other people do things for him all the time, he feels guilty he cannot do it himself. If anyone has earned the right to be catered to its my father who gave and gave and gave his whole life. Dad always puts others in the family before himself. I have to try to convince him now its OK for us to take care of him and that he should should fight on, eat and try to enjoy what life he has left.
The day I lose my father will be the worst day of my life, I know that day is coming soon but I try not to think about it, I try to distract myself. I worry for my mother as well, how terrible will that day be for her? She is older and has been with dad forever. It is all beyond my control tomorrow I will take dad his ribs and we can go from there, one day at a time.
The pic below was made with the Canon Mark II 5D and Larry's favourite lens the 24mm F1.4. I am not sure really how to manipulate the digi files with photoshop elements as they respond differently than scanned b/w film files.
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| Dad standing and dressing, Oct. 1 2014 |
