Thinking About Dad

September 18
It is Friday morning, the morning before my artist day-talk in Rosebud. It is now 719am, I am in the van, cannot sleep, woke up and been thinking about my father. It is so wrong that he is gone so fast. My uncles are still striving at his age or older but dad is 7 months in the grave. He was a man who worked so hard for so much of his life he deserved to have many years of laying about enjoying life, he earned that right but never received payment.

I miss him so much now, so many things I want to tell him, to show him and to share with him. He will never know of the details of this current show, he will never know of the adventures of Thailand. He and my mother will never be able to speak about friends and family, go to weddings and dances. Dad and mom were great dancers. I made a video of them dancing through the years for his funeral called “The final dance.” They were so graceful together, like one person they moved to the music, smiling and together. 57 years of marriage, almost 58, what must it be like for mom? I talk a lot on this blog about how much I miss my father but how much more difficult must it be for my mother?

Tomorrow I get to tell the strangers who visit the opening talk in Rosebud gallery what a great father my dad was. I get to share his memory with them. I am happy to be able to do that, but it is not enough, I wish I could just look my father in his eyes again, tell him what a great dad he was, how much I love him and give him a kiss. I wish I could see him play his drums once again while watching me, hear him telling me stories of growing up on his farm or watch him cooking in his kitchen making bread, deserts, pyrogies and cabbage rolls.

It has been almost 7 months since we lost dad and yet I seem to miss him more each and everyday.