Another Sad Dad Dream

Just woke up, eyes still blurry and my thoughts foggy. I had another dream-nightmare about dad during a short nap I just took. He was sick and weak but was still walking and talking to mom and me. At one point he decided to try to mix some cake batter in a bowl with a wooden spoon (in real life before he got sick dad was a great cook). He stirred it a bit before something terrible happened to his arm. His arm sort of bent backwards at the elbow and snapped broken.

In the dream I fell to pieces again, crying and telling dad that if I could I would give him my arm. I go over to him kissing and cradling his head saying the same thing over and over "I would give you my arm if I could dad", several times. He does not even seem to be in pain in the dream, just vulnerable, damaged and helpless.

No doubt the darkroom work of the last few days is responsible for this. Dad has been constantly in my thoughts. After I finish up this last print, I need to put off the dad photos for a while. Working and thinking of my father constantly is affecting me when I sleep.

I need to work on other negs, other photographs. After this next trip I will have tons of new Asian work to do, I can certainly use the distraction. I need to escape into new photographic work.