Not Living With Regret Emails

Had this interesting email discussion with a friend, thought I would post it here as typed (with a few cleanups of language). You need to start at the bottom of this blog entry and read up. In this exchange as in most things I am the pretentious long winded one! : )
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Gerry wrote: yes regret…thats something hard to get past…being old and not able to do stuff and then regretting not doing it when I was younger has inspired me my whole life, it has got me to get off my lazy ass and do shit while I still can. 

Passing stuff off till tomorrow is a recipe for not doing anything, and later regretting your choices.

Not wanting regret is one of the great motivators for this next phase in my life…I should have enough money  to chase down some of my photo dreams…not saying I will achieve them but I want to try as hard as I can while I still can so that later on when I am in Dads current  situation I can think back and say to myself…   I F--KING TRIED…I GAVE IT MY BEST SHOT…I HAVE NOTHING TO REGRET…(or at least less to regret)

then there are fewer WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEENS…etc.. 

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Date: Mon, 7 Jul 2014 12:40:11 -0600
Subject: Re: great quote

L wrote: I think regret is more sad than bitter or angry.

On Sun, Jul 6, 2014 at 10:45 PM, Gerry wrote:

Gerry wrote: yes your quote is a philosophy for much of my overseas stuff..the one I remember is

"Failure is not as painful an emotion as regret"...in other words better to try and fail at something then later on life regretting not trying...someday I might be the old man in a wheelchair after a stroke that I saw growing up as a dietary aid in hospitals...when that guy is me I would rather have failures  in my life...than having to live with the regret of never trying..living with the knowledge that I had the chances and did not take advantage of them would be very very hard to deal with...that's how you turn into a bitter angry old dude.

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Date: Sun, 6 Jul 2014 20:05:53 -0600
Subject: Re: great quote 

L wrote: I like the quote:  "Better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all".  The sentiment is similar.  You are certainly correct.  Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words.

On Sun, Jul 6, 2014 at 3:59 PM, Gerry  wrote: 

Found this quote yesterday from the great photographer, it says it all, so many people talk about doing shit but don't get off their butts and do them…I have some photo friends that are always doing this.

Quote: Donald McCullin

"One must not think about doing things in life, one must do them."

Quote: Donald McCullin

"One must not think about doing things in life, one must do them."

Latest Stand Development

Here are some scans from 2 films I developed at my standard 1/50 Rodinal stand development 20C, for 2 hours. One is a 800 (ASA) Tri-x film of dad and the other is some old 3200 Tmax I had laying around in my darkroom for years. The shots of dad were made with the Leica (M6) and 21mm F2.8 around 1/30 or 1/15 of a second. I am shooting the Tri-x at 800 which allows me to use the slow 21mm in low light. I am getting to like the 21mm more and more, I enjoy the combination of space and the distortion you get with the lens.

Dad working at farmers market around 2006-8, Tmax 3200

Dad Tri-x 800, June 2014

Dad Tri-x 800, June 2014

Photo Series Idea For Dads Dedication Book

I have thought of a great photo series idea for the book I want to dedicate to my father called "A Promise to my Father …...". Dad always worries for children, he always told me "Why do people make babies if they cannot take care of them?" Whenever he saw a child that was poor or suffering in any way he would ask me that same question.  Dad always put the need of me and my sister first over his needs, it was always "give it to the kids" with dad. Doing a series of large format portraits of children shot in the slums of Bangkok, Cambodia and the Mae Sot garbage dump, seems a perfect idea, a perfect theme for the dad dedication book. It would be the perfect tribute to Dad, he would be contributing to recording who these forgotten children are, he will be directly responsible for the making of the pictures.  Maybe the book or exhibitions of the work can help the child subjects in some small way, money for aid organizations, raising awareness to their living conditions, donations of food and other essentials.

Doing a book of children poverty portraits to dedicate to a man who always loved and worried for his own children and the plight of other children, just seems right.

Maybe the book could be called "A Promise to my Father: Children Living in Poverty","A Promise to my Father: Portraits of Children in Poverty","A Promise to my Father: The Lives of Children in Poverty""A Promise to my Father: Children of-in Poverty", "A Promise to my Father: The Forgotten Children of Poverty", "A Promise to my Father: The Forgotten Children of  South East Asia", "A Promise to my Father: Forgotten Lives in  South East Asia", "A Promise to my Father: The Forgotten Child Voices of  South East Asia", "A Promise to my Father: Forgotten Voices", "A Promise to my Father: The Forgotten Child Voices of South East Asia"

On my next trip, I will throw myself full bore into this new series idea. I can do it at the same time I do general portraits in Klong Toey slum and of the Mae Sot garbage dump families. It will become sort of a multi tasking photo shooting thing, 2 or 3 projects at the same time. Now I just need to work hard in Canada and save money so I will have the funds to produce this series.

Update* I talked to dad about this idea today during our daily visit, he smiled and like the plan, SO IT'S A GO!! The first 3 places that I will try to make photograph are Klong Toey slum in Bangkok, the slum at Poipet in Cambodia (on the Thai border inside Cambodia) and the Mae Sot garbage dump children (on Thai border with Burma). With these 3 shooting locations I can include Burmese (Karen?), Thai and Cambodian children in the project. To show their joy for living along with the struggles they face seems like a noble way to do dads tribute book. I will use a 5x7 view camera with a 120mm wider angle lens for the start of this project and then go from there, see how things develop.

Three Burmese children, Mae Sot garbage dump, Thailand 2013

Quote: Dorothea Lange

"To live a visual life is an enormous undertaking, practically unatainable but when the great photographs are produced it will be down that road but I have only touched it, just touched it."

Mother and Two Children on The Road Tulelake, Siskiyou County, California, 1939/1975 Dorothea Lange

Quotes: Art Shay (Photographer)

"The litany of all true photographers is, just one more!"

"A photograph is a biography of a moment."

This video on Art Shay's life long photography of his wife Florence is very beautiful. Check out the part of the vid where he is wearing a camera even when he is pushing his walker, you got to love that!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bXrwQTxMsI

Photo Story: Smiling Girls Klong Toey Slum, Bangkok Thailand 2010

This photo was made on the railway track area of Klong Toey slum, it was the lead photo in my photo exhibition "The Train is Coming: Portraits from Klong Toey Slum". The young girl in the foreground followed me around with her friend laughing as I made pics. Earlier I had taught some English to her and a group of friends. I remember the young girl (white dress) in the photo was very happy to learn the english word "nose", she kept saying it over and over again until it was almost a yell, nose!, nose!!, nose!!! The Thai children of Klong Toey slum have so many questions, they often come up to you smiling and joyful, curious who you are and where your from. I would like to do a whole series of 5x7 vertical portraits of the children of the slum, showing them standing at play, in their school uniforms etc.

Leica M6 with 28mm lens on Tri-x (200ASA), daylight.

Smiling girls Klong Toey slum, Bangkok Thailand 2010

Photo Story: Motorcycle Taxi Drivera Home Klong Toey Slum, Bangkok Thailand 2010

This photograph was made in the home of a motorcycle taxi driver in Klong Toey slum.The head shot of the man on the left is the driver, it was made before he suffered serious burns in a fire. The driver lived in this small shack on the railway tracks in the slum, with his wife and his young baby. When I offered money for the baby who was sick so they could visit a doctor he turned down the money, he told me that he and his wife both worked and did not need it. The vest in the picture is what motorcycle taxi drivers use when they are on the job in Bangkok. The small Buddhist shrine is common to all Thai homes as is the picture on the right of male family members as monks. Most Thai males spend part of their youth or early adulthood as a monk.

I would like to visit him again but I forget exactly where the home is, maybe I am going to the area at the wrong time of day, the family is probably working. I remember I photographed him on a Sunday so I might try visiting the area on a Sunday next trip so we can restart our relationship. I would very much like to get to know him and his family better, a good, honest hard working man.

I think of his small one room home and family often, you realize how lucky you are when you see the standard of living many people must live in. My home which is considered old and a bit run down by Edmonton Canada standards would be an absolute luxary mansion for this family.

Leica M6 with 28mm lens and direct flash on Tri-x (200ASA).

Motorcycle  taxi drivers home Klong Toey slum, Bangkok Thailand 2010

Quote: Eli Wallach

".. have a good relationship, find out what you want to do in life, and do it! Is the best you can acheive."

A Promise To My Father

Today when I was in the bathtub before coming to work I came up with this title for my book (gosh is there anywhere I do not think about photography?). The idea was to title it "A Promise To My Father" with a subtitle specific to the photographs in the book, "Portraits From ....."

The book could be a series of 40 or 50 portraits done of the Burmese families at the dump or some other specific subject. I might also do a more general book of portraits done all over Thai or South East Asia, families of the dump, boxers, bar workers, farmers, migrant construction workers, fisherman, police, soldiers etc. all together in one book. The photos would be shot with in a vertical format with a 5x7 or 4x5 view camera and wider angle lens (120mm or 90mm).

The title would refer to a vow (promise) I made to dad, to do a photo book and dedicate it to him. I would have dads photo with an extensive dedication, maybe a bit of a biography. This way his life and his tremendous contribution to the lives of his children would be recognized and remembered.

I would probably first do up a self published book version from a publisher like Blurb and then submit that book to multiple real publishers. The idea is to get a real very high quality real book published by a real book publishing company. Maybe if the photos are strong could happen and I could fufill my vow to dad. I will try, give it my best, work hard at it and see what happens, that's all dad would expect of me.

Photo Story: Laughing Homeless Man, Bangkok Thailand 1999

This photo was made as part of my 10 month trip to Thailand in 1999. I was doing a series on freelance sex workers in Thailand and after a long night of shooting I was walking home around 6am down Sukhumvit road in Bangkok when I came across this man sitting amongst some scrap wood next to the very busy road filled with early morning traffic. I spoke to him with my very limited Thai at that time and we joked around a bit, leading to his laugh. I shot him in both b/w and colour, I had completely forgotten about this colour pic until I found it on the blog today. I remember his hair being terribly matted and that his clothes were very dirty, he did not seem to be all there when I spoke to him. This man might have had mental health issues or a history of substance abuse. The series of photos I made with him lasted maybe 5 minutes, I gave him some money which you can see in my favourite b/w shot and then I was off. Even thou I used to walk Sukhumvit nightly back then I never did meet this man again. The photo was made with a Mamiya 6 camera and their wide angle 50mm lens with Afga colour 120 film using direct flash mixed with some early morning light.

Laughing homeless man, Bangkok Thailand 1999

Photo Story: Muay Thai Boxer Klong Toey Slum, Bangkok Thailand 2012

This photo was made as part of a continuing project documenting the boxers of a Muay Thai gym (Thai boxing) in Bangkok's Klong Toey slum. Some of the boys and young men in the gym go to school and live in outside slum shacks, many others live and train in the gym full time when they are not in school. This Muay Thai gym is ragged and run down but the spirit of the sport lives on here, the trainers make almost no money, are very dedicated and work their charges hard. The walls of gym are covered with photos and newspaper articles of champion boxers.You can feel the sport alive when you walk into the gym which is built under a freeway in the open air.

I want to return with the 5x7 camera next trip and do more formal portraits with the boxers. In the past I have shot mostly 35mm Leica stuff, with flash and Tri-x (200) or pushed Tri-x (800) without flash. I need to do better work here, I feel like I have not captured the power of the place yet. The devotion and hard work of the boxers and what the feeling of what the Muay Thai life is, need to be shown better in the pics.

I need to spend more time and connect with the boxers better, get to another level with them than I am now. I am an outsider in their eyes. I wonder if I trained with them if that would make a difference, thou a 50 year old fart like myself might hurt himself doing that. Maybe I can accomplish better work if I become a part time boxer and spend more hours in the gym in the future.

Leica M6 with 28mm lens and direct flash on Tri-x (200ASA).

Muay Thai boxer Klong Toey slum, Bangkok Thailand 2012

Photo Story: Young Boy Outside His Slum Home, Poipet Cambodia 2011

This photograph was made in a Poipet Cambodia slum a 1/2 a km or so away from where Thai fat cats gamble away millions of baht (Thai currency) in 5 or 6 large luxurious casinos. The boy was sitting on a board that led to the back of his home which was a wooden/metal shack located in the back behind a large Cambodian Buddhist temple. The area around the back of the home and under the board was filled with garbage of all kinds. The boy was very curious about me and laughed and enjoyed being photographed. The neg is high contrast, the boy was shot in deep shadow with a bright hot sun peaking through at various points. To see a child living like this is heart breaking, they have so little, there future is so limited and bleak but yet like this young boy they smile and laugh when your with them.

Leica M6, 21mm lens, Tri-x (200ASA).

Young boy outside his slum home, Poipet Cambodia 2011

14 Variations

I was just looking through a book of mine called "Original Sources, Art and Archives at the Center for Creative Photography" In the book they have a couple of photographs of original contact sheets of W. Eugene Smith's Spanish village photo essay (Life magazine). On the contact sheet there are 14 variations of one of Smith's iconic images of a woman spinning. It is comforting to know that I am not necessarily over shooting subjects. If Smith took 14 shots to make his great photograph, then working on a subject and taking over 10 shots with slightly different compositions/movements is perfectly acceptable. I guess when you only see the final images of something for years and years you can forget that many photos with subtle differences might have been made before and after the decisive shot. If varying movement and shooting lots of exposures of a subject is good enough for my idol Eugene Smith, it is certainly good enough for little old me. Who cares how many pictures you make of a subject as long as you get the final important photograph, that is all that matters.

Spanish Spinner, Eugene Smith 1950

Metro Continuing Education Photography Teaching Course Update

Got an email from the continuing education folks here in the city. I doubt the darkroom workshops would work out as all classes need to be taught in a classroom setting but view camera workshops remain an option. I will fill out the course description(s) and get the info back to my contact later this week. This might lead to teaching in a classroom setting with more students, more fun and eventually more funds for my photography in Asia. Promoting and inspiring photography then using the money earned to make pictures in Asia, it all sounds great! I might also try some course descriptions for other types of classes, medium format photography, joys of film photography, documentary and street photography etc. I am not sure where this will all go, updates to follow. 

Photos Might Help Those In Klong Toey?

I like emails like the one below which I received today, this is why I make photographs. When your photos might help or contribute to others in need then you really know your on the right path. Possibly helping those in Bangkok's Klong Toey slum with your work makes all the recent arty farty art expert rejections seem so trivial. I hope the work and the piece by this British journalist will be published. I told her that sure she can use the work and that if there is anything else I can do to let me know. If anything positive happens I will post the links later. Here's hoping the pics and article can help those in the slum, maybe raise a bit of awareness, help with donations or help get more volunteers.

The Train is Coming - pics for UK article

Dear Gerry,  

I am a freelance journalist writing a piece about a UK couple (missionaries for UNOH) who are taking their two children to live in Klong Toey to participate in UNOH charity projects. 

I am looking for GVs of the Klong Toey slum and wondered if I might be able to use some of yours? 

At the moment, this is merely a pitch - via an agency (bavmedia.com) - to the nationals, but there is a possibility we might get it in the Daily Mail and Mail Online. 

I am afraid we are unable to guarantee payment but I could mention your exhibition and try hard for a credit?

All the best, 

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Update* Sent some blog links, offered to send photo scans to K the journalist. It looks like this little project is a go. Hopefully the article and photos get published in a British National newspaper. I would love the story of Klong Toey slum to be seen and heard.

6 Months Here, 6 Months There

While doing my rounds tonight I thought of a simple photo plan that might give the best results. What about spending 6 months in different photo locals every year, followed by 6 months of working in Canada (until I am 65). The 6 months might  actually be 4 or 5 but lets just play with the bigger number here. After some hard saving for 3 or 4 years I could try a 6 month plan something like this. The plan would not include buying a condo in Thai, instead the money would be safely kept in the bank until needed.

1) Age 54: 6 months doing photos in Thailand, 6 months working in Canada.
2) Age 55: 6 months doing photos in  Cambodia, 6 months working in Canada.
3) Age 56: 6 months doing photos in Indonesia, 6 months working in Canada.
4) Age 57: 6 months doing photos in Vietnam, 6 months working in Canada.
5) Age 58: 6 months doing photos in Laos, 6 months working in Canada.
6) Age 59: 6 months doing photos in Burma, 6 months working in Canada.
7) Age 60: 6 months doing photos in Nepal, 6 months working in Canada.
8) Age 61: 6 months doing photos in India, 6 months working in Canada.
9) Age 62: 6 months doing photos in China, 6 months working in Canada.
10) Age 63: 6 months doing photos in Mongolia, 6 months working in Canada.
11) Age 64: 6 months doing photos in Bangladesh, 6 months working in Canada.
12) Age 65: 6 months doing photos in Ethiopia, 6 months working in Canada.
13) Age 66: 6 months doing photos in Brazil, 6 months in Canada.
14) Age 67: 6 months doing photos in Cuba, 6 months in Canada.
15) Age 68: 6 months doing photos in Rwanda, 6 months in Canada.
16) Age 69: 6 months doing photos in Uganda, 6 months in Canada.
17) Age 70: 6 months doing photos in Argentina, 6 months in Canada.

18) Age 70-80 print my lifes work.  

Not sure I would have enough money to do all of this but if I am very careful and spend under $20000 for each 6 months away from Canada at least some of it would be possible. Imagine all the photos that could be made, all the stories that could be told. I would have to stay in poorer countries to allow my Canadian dollars to go farther but often the poorer countries have the best people, the best stories and are the most compelling to photograph.

This might all be pure fantasy but it could also come to pass. Heck I am not even sure I could keep up that pace until 70 and that I would actually live that long. My father worked hard until he was about 79 years 6 months old, so if I am lucky to inherit some of his hardworking tenacity and toughness then it might be possible.

Sometimes I have these outrageous ideas and they go no where and sometimes like with the sex worker on white pics they develop, are produced, and get picked up by important photo festivals and websites. We will have to let this germinate for a while and see where this goes, it is all at least 4 years in the future.

Call for PhotoNOLA 2014

Here is a call  for the PhotoNOLA 2014 photography exhibition in New Orleans Louisiana. I was lucky enough to be part of the festival last year, the photo in the top link is my show layout for my Thai sex worker series, the exhibition was called "Body Sellers". That reminds me I still have to finish the video for that opening night, 7 months later and still do not have that online!

I highly recommend visiting PhotoNOLA 2014, it's a great photography festival full of some amazing people and a wonderful variety of world class photography. If your a photographer please try submitting work to the links below, I got in, you can get in to!

The below link is also availble in French and Chinese.

http://www.loeildelaphotographie.com/events/event/call-for-photonola-2014-exhibitions

http://photonola.org/2014/06/20/call-for-photonola-2014-exhibitions/

Gerry Yaum exhibition "Body Sellers" in Zeitgeist at PhotoNOLA 2013, New Orleans Louisiana

Newest Dad Ring Flash Photos

Dad June 2014, Canada

Dad June 2014, Canada

Made Dad A Video

Yesterday I showed dad some video footage I shot at a family wedding he could not attend because of his health. Dad really enjoyed the hour plus long video and was watching it for a second time with mom when I left him. He did not eat much of anything yesterday but he did enjoy watching the wedding reception. Dad has always enjoyed going to weddings, I am so glad I was able to show this last one to him. He was lying sick in bed staring at the ceiling when I came over but when I told him about he video he quickly came right over to the family room to watch it.

I also packaged up all the raw video footage and burned it on DVD to give to the bride and groom. My hope is they will combine it with the other videos they have plus the film stills to make up a nice little movie for themselves and their children. I love doing this kind of stuff, have always loved documenting things, even simple stuff like weddings. I would still like to do an important documentary film sometime in my life, hopefully that is also eventually in the cards. With modern tech making documentaries seem possible, even from a beginner like myself.

First Advanced Darkroom Workshop Went Well And Other Stuff

My first advanced darkroom workshop went well yesterday. We covered different developers and fibre photo paper options. We dealt with different dilutions of Selenium toner (Stu was not interested in learning Sepia toning) and archival processing procedures for fibre prints. The funnest part of the day  was to bleaching with potassium ferricyanide. We worked together for around 5 hours, I tried to let Stu do as much hands on work himself as I could. The $180 cost for the workshop will go towards buying a nice big box of Ilford warm tone 16x29 fibre paper.

I am not sure how many different workshops I have taught now, I think it's around 13 or 14. Hopefully I can teach more of the advanced darkroom classes in the future, they are quite fun, teaching more advanced techniques is always more challenging. I have 2 view camera workshops coming up in July and August with Doug and Kelly, those should be fun. I might also be giving wet plate, darkroom and part film development/scanning workshops later this summer.

Tonight it's back to work in my security gig, the savings for my 6 month on, 6 month off photo life is coming around bit by bit, thou I have a long long way to go. Everything is at least 3 years in the future maybe more.

I sent a second email inquiring into becoming a metro/continuing education photography teacher with larger classes but that seems to be going no where, no response from those folks. To bad it looks like a no go, I am starting to really enjoy this teaching gig, spreading photo knowledge is one hell of a lot of fun. I love photography so much and I think that joy comes across in the teaching. Many of my students tell me they enjoyed their sessions and learned a lot, most sign up for at least 2 workshops so thats probably a good sign as well. After they take the first class they are interested in a second and sometimes a third.

I am thinking of other workshops I could give, medium format? street photography? documentary photography? using a 8x10 view camera? wet plate? portraiture? nudes? Then there are other options to make money through darkroom rentals, b/w film development, medium and large format  colour neg- transparency film development. Anyway I can figure out to make a few extra dollars to help with the savings towards my 6 months in Asia photography plan is a good thing. It's all win win stuff, promoting photography and giving myself the ability to make pictures 50% full time in Asia.

If the arty farty art experts do not think my work is worthy of grants I need to earn the funds myself. After I have the doe I can throw myself into my photography 1/2 full time. I have never been shy about working hard to get an opportunity and if that's what is required, then that is what I will do. The 2 things I think of daily are dads sad present condition and my photographic dreams of the future. I can do nothing to help my father but my photo dreams of the future will become a reality.

Quote: Michael Jackson

"Let's face it. Who wants mortality? Everybody wants immortality. You want what you create to live, be it sculpture or painting or music. Like Michelangelo said, 'I know the creator will go but his work survives. That's why to escape death I attempt to bind my soul to my work.' That's how I feel. I give my all at work. 'Cause I want it to just live."

Funding My Future Photography, Hopes

With no money, zero dollars coming in from grants, shows or print sales, I need to find other sources to fund the making of my photographs.

I will be selling quite a bit of unused gear in the next 10 years, I can use the money to help pay for my time in Asia allowing me to make more pics! The money from the equipment will not be that much as it's film gear but anything that helps is a plus. All the spare money I make in security, the selling of old gear and the workshops will go towards the creation of new imagery. I cannot wait for the grant deciding/print buying art experts at the AFA (Alberta Foundation for the Arts) or for paying mid level galleries to accept my submissions. I need money to make pictures now not later, if I have to fund the pics 100% myself then that is what I will have to do.

I have 3 workshops coming up, and another possible 4 or 5 in the works. All the money from those sessions will go directly back into darkroom supplies and film. Having another way to make money has been a real bonus it allows me to save a bit more security pay. Little by little I am putting away security money with the hope of eventually working only part time and making photographs part time. Imagine all the stories that I could try to tell and all the work I could create if I had more time to shoot. My goal is to work and save towards making that opportunity a reality. My hope is to have the financial freedom to make pictures each and everyday of my life. I can eat cheap, live cheap, do everything cheap as long as it gives me the chance to create my pics.

No money excuses are allowed, only hard work and sacrifices going forward for me. I will do without other things in my life so that I can continue to make my photographs and tell my stories. I do not have children, do not smoke, drink, gamble, do not have a big house or a new car etc, but I do need to make pictures. Photography gives me a reason to be alive, a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to dream. I will work as hard as I can and funnel all my resources into the making of pictures for as long as I can.

Bought More Chemistry

I did a $392 CAD chemical buy yesterday at the one last camera store that supplies darkroom chemistry here in Edmonton. My trips to the store happen less and less nowadays usually 1 or 2 times a year. When I go there I leave with boxes full of various premixed darkroom chemistry. Yesterday's haul included 3 bottles of Iford rapid fix which I hope an August workshop with Kelly will partially pay for.

Here are yesterdays purchases:

1) 20 packages of Kodak D-76 film developer.
2) 7 bottles of Kodak indicator stop bath.
3) 2 bottles of Kodak selenium toner.
4) 3 - 5 litre bottles of Ilford rapid fix.

I just do chemistry buys now, no equipment purchases. I have bought very little new gear over the last 10 years,  my purchases of cameras and lens has dropped significantly. Now almost all my photo buying is chemistry, paper, neg sheets and film. No need to buy any more hardware, it is time to make photos!  

Time To Print

I am going to go into my beautiful newly redone darkroom today and do some printing. It is a sunny saturday morning here in Edmonton, the birds are singing outside my window as I type this and the NHL hockey draft is taking place. I can follow the draft on the radio, and relax and enjoy a wonderful morning of discovering and printing a new negative. Tomorrow I have a advanced darkroom workshop which will be fun and help pay for some photo paper but today the darkroom is all mine, this will be great!

I have increased my darkroom time in the last year. I am not up to Brett Weston's daily printing routine but I am certainly on the right track. More devotion to the darkroom is paying off with better prints and increased skills. I need to continue to work towards being in the darkroom each and everyday. 

Wow Another

I just got another workshop email, this next workshop might happen in August. I love teaching photography and making extra money that goes directly back into my photo work is great. I have to buy a bunch of Ilford rapid fix which is $40 or $45 a bottle, I can almost get 3 of these with the money  from this latest class (if it happens).

I need to make another attempt at possibly becoming a continuing education teacher with some of these same workshops. If I could teach larger classes then I could buy more film, more photo paper and get more folks shooting view cameras and working in darkrooms. So that would be a win win thingy.

You got to love digital photography, it has given me many new opportunities. First off because of the digital revolution I got all kinds of great camera and darkroom equipment free or on the cheap and now more and people are becoming interested in the older photographic processes, leading to more workshops. Got to love it!

Thanks Stu, Doug (Saskatoon) and Kelly (Calgary). Hopefully we can all have a great time together and the courses will help you develop into outstanding photographers.

Todays Stuff

The work continues on reorganizing the basement of my place outside of the darkroom. I still have lots of stuff I took out of the old darkroom set up laying around and in the way. I am also reorganizing some of my photography books. You know you got to many photo books when you have a full room upstairs devoted to photography (my photo library) and you till have piles of books downstairs on the floor. I am now stacking and dusting a number of those books, some that I forgot I owned. One of the great ways to learn and grow as a photographer is to study the work of others, that's why I got all the books. I need to organize them better so I can refer to them as needed. There is nothing for frustrating than not finding a book when your looking for it, except maybe not finding a neg!

The photo workshop dates are lining up, I have one on Sunday and one on July 24th, so that will allow me to purchase the box of Ilford 16x20 warmtone fibre paper. This paper will be used in my next show, if and when that ever happens. I need to find a venue for the "Families of the Dump" work.

Tonight I developed 2 rolls of 120 made of dad with the blad and ring flash. If any of the new images turn out I will post them in the coming days. During my visit today with dad he looked in good shape, he was eating talking and sharing memories. He has lost around 30lbs but is still in decent overall condition considering all he has been through. Dad does not have a lot of energy and has trouble walking but he is a fighter, a strong man, cancer will not take him easy, he will go down swinging.

I have to buy my air ticket to Asia next month if I want to be able to travel on my booked holidays. I now plan on cancelling that 7 week trip and stay in Canada to be with my father. Now is dad's time, he is all that matters. I want to be with him and and want to help him all I can. This Saturday I will go to a family wedding he cannot attend, I will make a video for him so that he can enjoy it at home later. Dad  loves wedding, what the food is like, the music, what people wear, how the bride and groom look, seeing all his old friends etc. I will capture all that on the video for him. 

Keeping My Vow To Dad

I do not want my fathers love, his hard work, his life, my memory of him to be forgotten, I need to keep my promise to him. I promised him that I would get a book published and dedicate it to my father.

I have to work hard after he is gone, harder than I ever have. I need to do important photography and get the book published. I can then make a dedication to dad, it is a small thing but also an important way to say thank you to my father. Dad will be remembered every time anyone opens the book.

I see the book as a series of vertical 5x7 portraits, I will start making the photos my next trip. It might take the rest of my life, but I am going to get this thing done. I owe it to dad.

The Little Baby Boy

My favourite photo of all time is not one I have taken, it's not one any famous photographer took, it is not image hanging in a museum, it is a simple snapshot taken by my mother. The photo is of my father, a youngish man of 32  leaning over a bed. and looking down. My father has a look of absolute joy on his face as he crouches over a small bundle laying wrapped up on the bed. He looks so happy, so joyful so content. The picture was made in May of 1964 a month after I was born. In the bundle on the bed I lay all wrapped up, a tiny baby. It is a photo that shows the absolute happiness and love a father feels for his young baby boy. It is my all time favourite photograph.

When my father passes, I will not longer have a dad and the feeling my father felt for me his whole life will be lost. It's scary not be that little son anymore, to not have my beautiful father watching over me, it is scary to have to move on in life alone without him. You wish you could freeze time, a part of you always wants and needs someone who knew you as his little baby boy son, that will change now, be gone forever. I will only be that middle aged guy, that old guy now, no longer the beautiful little baby boy.

"Khon Thai" And "Migrant Worker" Thoughts

The "Khon Thai" series (Thai People) is back in my thoughts again, I always loved that title. I kind of lost interest in the series because I did not want to exclude making photos of Burmese, Cambodians, Laotians etc. Now I think I can photograph those people as part of the "Migrant" series I thought of last week. So I can photograph 2 series at the same time, Khon Thai and the Migrant Worker series (got to think of a better name). The portrait work would be shot with view cameras, probably a combination of 4x5, 5x7 and 8x10. I already have some 4x5 work shot in the Klong Toey slum that I could include in the greater "Khon Thai" project. I will be creating 5x7 work of the Burmese families in the Mae Sot garbage dump that I can eventually use in the "Migrant" series. Things have a tendency to flow together even when your directly trying to connect them, it is strange how happy accidents pull you in the proper direction.

In the future when I spend extended periods in Thailand I can carry the large view camera on my shoulder or on a cart of some kind and travel the country making portraits of the Thai people as well as migrant workers. Things are starting to become clearer in my head, the future holds endless possibilities to create and tell important stories.

Latest Thai Trip Kit Thoughts

I have been thinking of what I preach all the time, simplification. Taking 3 camera formats at 6 different cameras to Asia would be just a little bit crazy. If I was going for 6 months that would be one thing but for 7 weeks, why take so much gear? Photography can be done with 1 camera and 1 lens, no need to go gear wacko.

I am not planning on just taking 1 camera and 1 lens but I was thinking of a deep cut in gear.

- 5x7 Linhof
- 120mm lens
- 1 spot meter
- 2 M6 Leica bodies
- 21mm lens
- 35mm lens
- 300-400 sheets of 5x7 Tri-x
- 100 rolls of 35mm Tri-x
- Changing bag
- 15 5x7 holders.

That's about it, nothing much else. I need to think of this as a 5x7 film trip, I will concentrate all or almost all my efforts on shooting the 5x7 with 1 lens making portraits. I will throw in the 100 rolls of 35 and the 2 Leica's for fun. I am doing the best work of my life now in 35mm I cannot abandon it totally. The main focus thou will be to do some outstanding portraiture with the 5x7. The idea would be to shoot 300 or 400 sheets of 5x7 Tri-x with one lens the 120mm. Doing it this way with simple tools I should truly begin to learn one lens and one film, and not be distracted by unnecessary bells and whistles. I can simply concentrate on my subject and making pictures, it would be a purer form of photography. Hopefully the work will eventually be printed in book form so I can keep my vow to my father.

Video: Young Boy In Jean Jacket Mae Sot Garbage Dump, Thailand

New Darkroom Print, "Young Burmese Man In Jean Jacket, Mae Sot Garbage Dump Thailand"

I have been struggling along getting used to the new 5x7 138S Durst enlarger. I tried 2 different negs but the contrast you get with the condensers is throwing me off. My first neg was a dense 800ASA Tri-x  shot of dad that went way up considerably in contrast, the second was a contrasty neg shot in the dump of some feet with crawling flies. Both negs were to contrasty to print, I think they both can be printed well with a diffusion enlarger like the Saunders LPL 4500 or the Durst 1200 (colour head) but would be very difficult to print in any condenser machine.

My 3rd attempt looks like it might work, the neg is a shot of a young man in the dump who is in shadow with some distant bright background areas I hope I can burn down. I think this machine will work well with non contrasty negs best, so I will probably print the contrasty 4x5 and 5x7 negs in other equipment and reserve this enlarger for the flatter lit negs. I can also use this enlarger for work I want to print super contrasty like the b/w ring flash heads I plan to do.

One thing I really love about this new enlarger is how rock solid the focus is. This thing is built like a tank and once you set stuff, it stays set. There is no focus shift after you focus the first time, it stays focused.

I plan on spending the rest of the night trying to print the young man neg on 11x14 fiber in the 138S, I will post some digi shots of that later if I get that far.

Note* Jack also gave me a condenser head for the Durst 1200, will try that another day. I am still waiting on Jack to send me the specialized neg carrier from PEI so cannot use that enlarger yet.

Young Burmese man in jean jacket Mae Sot garbage dump, Thailand 2013

Here is the print mentioned, the prints might be a bit dark. I plan on doing extensive bleaching and toning on it tomorrow, to see if I can open up the shadows a bit and brighten the highlights. I was reading in one of my darkroom books how Larry Clark would print moody and dark then bring things out bit by bit with bleach. I want to make the print sing, hopefully bleach and toning will give it a better voice, if not I will try lighter prints later on.

Got My Outdated Film

Today in the mail I got my 2 bulk boxes of outdated Tri-x. The film was outdated in September of 2013 so thats not bad. I paid a bit more than I wanted to  ($71.56 USD a box $15 for shipping) on this film but in the end it should be worth it as the prices of Tri-x are skyrocketing. Luckily there were no customs or GST costs on the shipment, which saves a bit of money.

I have been criticized in the past for thinking money for film was more important than spending money socializing and partying with friends but I am never sad when I buy film. All that unexposed Tri-x I have in my freezers is like a magical thing, it can turn into life changing powerful creations, nothing tops that, nothing is better than making pictures, it's better than sex! : ) I will continue to look for more outdated Tri-x and pick some up as often as I can.

Printing With New 5x7 Enlarger And Black Dectol!

Toinght my first day off I decided to do a bit of printing with the new/used Laborator 138S and a 35mm neg. I could not focus the enlarger with a 50mm lens but with a 80mm and recessed lens board I could, then the problem was I had no where to hang my filters as the lens was inside the enlarger. I settled on a 105mm lens which allowed me to attach the filters to the lens. The problem now is to do a 11x14 print I have the enlarger head way up and the baseboard way down!! Not an ideal situation sort of half assed and not very functional. I will probably just do 4x5 and 5x7 work in this machine (maybe 6x6, 6x7) and do all my 35mm in my standards Saunders LPL and the new great 1200 Durst. Today is just a bit of fun playing and learning the new machine.

The neg I am working is high contrast, it is a 800ASA Tri-s shot of dad. With the 5x7 condenser enlarger the contrast might go up a bit, I will have to pull it down somewhat with some burning and low end filters. This is probably not the idea neg for this enlarger, but I want to see what it looks like, maybe going ultra contrast will help it not hurt it.

I also dug out a bag of old dectol that Jack gave me, when I poured it into the mixing water everything went DEEP brown, maybe even black. The powder must have oxidized over the years as there was a small whole in the bag when I got it. Boy did that stuff look nasty, I poured it out and am now mixing a new batch up with newer dectol chemistry ( small mechanical mixer machine doing the work for me).

Quotes: Angelo Dundee (Boxing Trainer)

"See that's the key, if you have fun at what you do your going to excell at it, if your not going to have fun you might as well forget it".

"What advice I would give people? Give it a shot whatever you got going for you, you got to give it a shot because if you don't give it a shot then you can't look back and say hey I should of tried it, give it a shot, if it's not going to be it ain't going to be, but give whatever your doing at the time a good shot".

Quote: Ansel Adams

A young Ansel Adams wrote this about Eugene Atget.

" The charm of Atget lies not in the mastery of plates and papers of his time, nor in the quaintness of costume architecture and humanity as revealed in his pictures, but in his equitable and intimate point of view. It is a point of view which we are pleased to call 'modern' and which is essentially timeless. His work is a simple revelation of the simplest aspects of his environment. There is no superimposed symbolic motive, no tortured application of design, no intellectual ax to grind. The Atget prints are direct and emotionally clean record of a rare and subtle perception, and represent perhaps the earliest expression of true photographic art."

Quote: Vincent Price

"I believe the whole history of man is best represented by his creative ability."

Story About Robert Frank

Here is a interesting well written story from 2004 on Robert Frank by Guardian writer Adrian Searle.

http://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2004/oct/26/photography

Quote: Robert Frank

"When people look at my pictures, I want them to feel the way they do when they want to read a line of a poem twice."

London 1952-1953 by Robert Frank

4x5 Kodachrome

My Uncle Frank sent me this link today, its pretty cool, who knew they had 4x5 Kodachrome, and a special one of a kind machine to process it back in the 1940s. Love these 4x5 WWII era transparencies of  women factory workers in full make up without PPE (personal protection equipment). World War II changed a lot of things and pushed the womens rights movement dramaticatlly forward, now if other parts of the world can just catch up, and give rights and freedoms to 50% of their own populations.

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/112027109454844199/

Here is a 4x5 Kodachrome transparency by the famous documentary depression era photographer Russell  Lee. I love the harsh direct flash look, something I can acheive with the Banrama 4x5 camera and flash.

Photo by Russel Lee

September 1940. Jack Whinery, Pie Town, New Mexico, homesteader, with his wife and the youngest of his five children in their dirt-floor dugout home. Whinery homesteaded with no cash less than a year ago and does not have much equipment; consequently he and his family farm the slow, hard way, by hand. Main window of their dugout was made from the windshield of the worn-out car which brought this family to Pie Town from West Texas. 4x5 Kodachrome transparency by Russell Lee, Farm Security Administration.

Another Workshop

I got another workshop email today, it looks like it is probable go. This workshop is a view camera class for $120. With the $180 from the next Sundays advanced darkroom workshop I will be pulling in $300 extra dollars, which will allow me to purchase one nice beautiful box of 50 sheet 16x20 warm tone Ilford paper, plus a bit of film.

http://www.bhphotovideo.com/c/product/128189-REG/Ilford_1865581_Multigrade_FB_Warmtone_DW.html

These workshops are fun to give, I love spreading interest in the great art form of traditional film photography. Who knows some great photos might be made by some of my students, to help them along their creative journey is an honour.

"Ain't Photography Grand!"

35mm Kit?

Playing around with this 35mm kit today, thinking of possibly taking this combination to Thailand.
3 M6 Leica bodies, R6 body, 50mm F1.4, 35mm F1.4, 28mm F2, 60mm F2.8. I also am testing out my more rigid used Billingham bag, last trip I ripped my bag up quite a bit (had it repaired in Bangkok), so am looking for something a bit more sturdy.

Not sure if I need both the 50mm and 60mm lens (close focus), thou the F1.4 could be valuable in low light. Also not sure if I need 3 M6 bodies, 2 might be enough. I would have to include the 21mm F2.8 a lens I have grown to love.

It would be great to just take a single bag of gear like this and 200 rolls of Tri-x and call it quits. I need to shoot the 5x7 thou, so that's a whole bunch of more equipment ("Families of the Dump" and "Khon Thai", "Migrants", "Khon Thai" "Muay Thai Boxers"). I also need to decide if I should take the blad and ring flash to try to do some "Lost Innocence" photographs. I will only have 7 weeks next trip so I might want to postpone some of the projects. Traveling lighter is always a better idea. Less projects and less gear might equal better photographs.

Update* Maybe I should go with 2 M6s and 21mm, 35mm lens plus the 5x7 with the 120mm lens. That is the smallest kit I can imagine and yet still be able to shoot 150 rolls of Tri-x 35 and 250+ sheets of 5x7. This kit would force me to concentrate more on the composition the photographs and less on the toys.

M6 28mm, R6 60mm, M6 50mm, M6 35mm, Billingham bag.

The Power Of Documentary Photography

Here is a link to CNNs frontpage, photos from the Vietnam war. The work really shows the power documentary photography can have on the world, how it can influence change. Because these photos were made the Vietnam war ended earlier. These photographs showing the horror of war helped save lives.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/19/world/gallery/iconic-vietnam-war-photos/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

Gerry Yaum Goes Vietnamese At Himmag.com

Found this tonight, not sure if I posted it before, it's a Vietnamese news magazine style site catering to gay men (I think, maybe straight and gay). Lots of bare chested macho looking dudes on the front page. Maybe this is like the gay GQ site of Vietnam. It's great the words go with the photos and the story continues to be told. One thing leads to another, the blog leads to the show in New Orleans, the show leads to Slate.com picking up the photos, and now slate is picked up by sites like Himmag.com which continues to spread the word. It all demonstrates the power of the Internet and the photography.

http://himmag.com/news/society/2014/02/14609-chan-dung-nhung-nguoi-hanh-nghe-mai-dam-tai-thai-lan/

Here is a google translation of some of the write up.

Trong những bức ảnh này, nhiếp ảnh gia không chỉ khắc họa chân dung của những phụ nữ, nam giới hành nghề mại dâm mà còn cả những người đồng giới hành nghề "bán thân xác" này. Họ thường hoạt động trên đường phố, tại các quán bar hay những khu nhà thổ tối tăm...

Nhiếp ảnh gia cho biết những người hành nghề mại dâm thường xuất thân trong những gia đình nghèo khó trong khi đó, mại dâm lại có thể sinh lời hơn bất cứ nghề nào khác.

Khi được nhiếp ảnh gia hỏi về số tiền kiếm được, những người làm nghề mại dâm này cho biết họ thường mang về để giúp đỡ gia đình. Và, sâu thẳm trong trái tim mỗi người luôn có nỗi đau, sự buồn bã về chính công việc mà họ đang làm.

In this photo, the photographer not only portrays women's, men's sex workers but also practice with men who "sold his body" is. They usually operate on the streets, in the bars and brothels of the dark zone ...

Photographer says sex workers who often came from poor families while prostitution could lucrative than any other profession.

When photographers asked about his earnings, the sex workers said they often carry on to help the family. And, deep down in every human heart there is always pain, sadness about the work they are doing.

Photo Idea: Migrant Workers In Thailand

After reading this story on migrant Cambodian workers:

http://www.nationmultimedia.com/national/Exodus-hits-agriculture-construction-sectors-30236592.html

I was reminded of some photos I made last trip. These two men are both migrant workers from Cambodia who were living and working in Bangkok. I made the photos not more than 1 block from my hotel room. What if I did a series of portraits on migrant workers in Thailand, Cambodians, Burmese and Laotians! That might be very exciting, very meaningful. I could give a voice to another often forgotten group. What to call it? "Landless Workers" "Migrants"?  I might call it whatever slang word Thais use for these hard working people, I am sure there is something. maybe a negative word I can change to a positive.

Migrant Cambodian worker #1, Bangkok Thailand 2013

Migrant Cambodian worker #2, Bangkok Thailand 2013

F-ck! I got to get my ass to Asia and make pictures. We have only so many opportunities in life to chase down our dreams, to do what we feel is important. I do not want to end up one of those grumpy old gusses who is bitter at the world because he did not have the courage to follow his hopes. I need to push myself and get over there soon. I need to work on "Families of the Dump",  "Klong Toey Slum", "Muay Thai Boxer", "Migrant Farmer", "Street Kids", " Cycle Rickshaw Driver", "Khon Thai" "Lost Innocence" and now "Migrants". Heck that's enough photography for 2 or 3 lifetimes.

Earlier Freedom To Photograph

I am trying to figure out as many ways to make money as I can, so that I can leave security sooner and head off to Asia to make pictures. I am 50 and running out of time to achieve my life goals of creating an important lasting body of photographic work. The soonest now that I can leave is around 54 years old and that would only be a partial retirement. I would still have to work at least 6 months out of every year as a guard on my return to Canada, probably until I am into my mid 60s. 

I am not sure any of this is even possible as I would have to live 4-6 months in Asia on $10000 CAD. I do not mind staying in the cheapest places and eating the cheapest foods, if I make good photographs as a result it's all worth it. My life is devoted to my photography so I need to find some way to make this all work out. I need to get this going before I am to old and feeble to travel, carry the equipment and create.

Starting A Rental Darkroom?

I am unsure if I will set up a rental darkroom, I have all the equipment I need in storage so its just a matter of setting up the space. I have 3 or 4 enlargers I could put in the room, extra trays, safe lights, timers, 2 sinks, bottles, graduates, thermometers, washers etc etc. In fact I might have enough stuff to set up 3 darkrooms. I have always collected backups for almost everything so that if something goes down, I have a fall back position. Now I might be able to use those backups to make a bit of extra money.

I was thinking of doing it at dad and moms home in the basement. I am not sure if it will be a financial success thou. I would have to charge at least $20 an hour, and provide basic chemistry. If I could get 2 people or so a month using it, it might make financial sense. I do not want to rent my personal darkroom, it's to personal and important a room for me. My darkroom is my favourite place in the works, having strangers in there seems wrong. Setting up a well equiped neutral space seems the only way to go rental wise. 

Sold Another Workshop, Number 11

I should be having another workshop in the coming weeks. Stu a great guy and a student that took my other 2 courses is taking this 3rd one,  my advanced darkroom workshop. I just started up the this workshop a few weeks ago this will be the first time I am teaching it, it includes:

How to make burning masks.

How to use contrast for best effect.

Advanced burning and dodging.

Burning at different contrast grades.

Use of different developers and papers to change the look of your print.

Selenium and sepia toning of a print.

Spotting a print.

Bleaching of a print.

Archival processing of a print.

Archival washing of a print.

Archival drying of a print. 

I expect this workshop to last at least 4 hours, maybe 5. It's a one on one training session and costs $180. I do not make a lot of money off these things, my normal darkroom workshop is $100 and my view camera workshop is $120 but its great to talk and teach photography. It's much more enjoyable making money teaching photography than it is working security night shifts. Plus its fun to talk and get something for it, I am not used to that sort of thing, you talk for a while and then people give you money! Another benefit is you learn when you teach, which will hopefully help me grow as an artist. All the money I receive goes directly back into my photography. I will use these funds as always to buy more film and or photo paper.

If I ever get another show the photo paper to produce it will be funded by these workshops.

Update* Stu also wants me to teach him how to make wetplate photos (tintypes). I have takin a workshop and have some experience at the wet plate process but I am far from an expert. I also have all the chemicals and tools necessary in my darkroom. I would have to figure out a price it would have to be quite a bit more than what I charge for standard workshops. Who knows it might become the latest workshop in my stable, 3 moving up to 4, "Learn Wetplate Photography!" 

Making a bit of extra money on this will also help inspire me to dig out all the gear and chemicals again. I just don't seem to have time to do everything I want photographically but I need to get back into making wetplates soon. Now with my cleaned up darkroom I might actually have room to work! I want to learn how to do the wetplate exposures onto a postive material (have the name written somewhere) from a negative through an enlarger. I want to be able go, negative (enlarger)---> postive material---> postive material (enlarger)--->tinytpe or ambrotype. If I do the "Lost Innocence" series I want to be able to do the final exhibition photos this way.

Quote: Ansel Adams

"There are two people in every photograph: the photographer and the viewer."