Yaum's Photo Diary

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Woo, All Dusty And Dirty

After much effort which included moving tons of stuff and taking 2 doors off my darkroom I got the 5x7 into its final resting place. I had some initial difficulties figuring out why I was not getting uniform coverage of a 5x7 neg, I was getting fall off on the corners and a cropping of the image down from its 5x7 ratio. After lots of fooling around, different lens, different condenser combinations, different bulbs I finally figured it out. The neg carrier needs to be in just the right spot and the enlarger has built in cropping metal arms that needed to be pulled out of the way. Things look very nice now in with the 5x7 glass carrier and with a 4x5 glassless carrier I got from Jack.

Tomorrow I need to continue to clean the darkroom. I have needed to organize it better for quite a while so getting this new enlarger has forced me to get off my ass and get the darkroom cleaning done. I am going to remove everything from the room the is not essential. I have way to much storage of odds and ends, I need to remove all the boxes and equipment I am not using. If I get a better organized and functioning darkroom together it is bound to help the printing process. I can't become a master printer if I have no where to move and work. It might take me all week, to get the darkroom cleaned up and ready to use. I did not know there was so much dust in the place till I started cleaning.

Here is the new 5x7 enlarger in its final resting place next to the 8x10 Durst enlarger. In the picture you can also see the 20x24 and 11x14 Saunder easels I got for $100 CAD.

Durst 138S 5x7 condenser enlarger, in its new space

Update * Jack made a suggestion today after seeing this photo, he suggested I paint the areas around the enlarger black. I will do that, it's something I did around my Saunder LPL 4x5 years ago. I guess by having black around the enlarger you cut down on flaring and fogging of your photo paper. It also increases contrast you can use a 3 filter instead of 3 1/2 etc.

Monday, June 9, 2014

What Makes A Picture Work?

Raw, emotion, the heart, the decisive moment, light, shadow, feeling, expression, power, abstraction, ambiguity, desire, multiple meanings???

What makes a photograph strong, what separates a picture to make it special, what makes it great? Great pictures always have a magic to them, a unique spark that connects them emotionally to the viewer.

Tonight am watching "The Public Eye" tonight, with Joe Pesci playing a Weegee like 40s New York Street photographer, named "The Great Bernzinni". The photos in the movie are by the real Weegee, they have so much raw powerful emotion to them, the pics burn off the screen. The movie is very good with a wonderful performance by Pesci. Bernzinni is a sad, lonely creative man with real drive to make pictures a passion to express, Pesci makes him so human, so vulnerable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAgWOv8hWjc

Got The Stuff

Went down to Jack's place today to get the darkroom stuff he was giving away. I picked up:

1) 11-20x24 trays.
2) 8-10 16x20 trays.
3) 8-10 11x14 trays.
4) large box of chemicals. sodium sulfate, a ton of hypo clear, fix, potassium ferricyanide, stop, big bottle of glacial acetic acid, dectol, Xtol and other film developers, sepia toner, 4 bottles of photo flow.
5) a bag of 4x5 film holders.
6) 5x7 Durst 138S condenser enlarger.
7) Various back up enlarger parts, a rusted Durst 1200 plus baseboard and another Durst 5x7 enlarger body, everything but the head (might not be able to use these).
8) A close up photo Linhof copy stand device (might not be able to use this).
9) 4 or 5 boxes of neg carriers, condensers and other parts for the 5x7 enlarger.
10) A ton of film clips in different styles (for use in Thai or rental darkroom).
11) Some 4x5 newton glass (wonder it will fit my damaged Saunders LPL holder).

I still have the 2 cabinets to pick up, will do that tomorrow night. All this gear was free from Jack.
I also purchased for $100 CAD 2 high quality Saunders paper easels, one measuring 11x14 and the other 20x24. These are great tools that I can use to replace some of my lower quality easels. I now have 2 large Saunders 20x24 easels, the best ever made. Jack gave me a great deal on the easels as the 20x24 alone on eBay sells for $325 USD plus a big shipping cost as its large and heavy. There is a Durst 138S enlarger with lens on eBay as well that their asking $4700 USD for (extreme wishful thinking on the sellers part).

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Durst-138S-139-5x7-Enlarger-Plus-Accesories-/251523249651?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3a8ff435f3

Jack really helped me out today. Here is a photo of the enlarger set up in my basement. I have to do some major moving in the darkroom to get this baby to fit inside, but once I do this is going to be a real gem! I put the turret lens head from the 8x10 enlarger on this enlarger and it seems to fit fine. I think lots or parts are interchangeable in the Durst line, much like with Blad or Leica stuff. With all this new gear I have all kinds of options for setting up my rental darkroom, and have equipment I can easily use in Thai if I set up a film developing area in the condo.

It's hard to turn down equipment you get for free, but I guess there domes a point where enough is enough, I think 6 enlargers of all shapes, types and sizes in a darkroom is that upper limit. Now there is just the little must matter of becoming a master printer.

Update* This 5x7 had been disabled and was in storage for years, after I put it together and plugged it I flicked the power switch and low and behold the old bulb still worked (need to buy a backup, which are hard to find). These things are built to the highest quality, they will last long after I am old and frail and falling apart. I can't wait to use this thing, it should be a blast, giving ultras harp higher contrast images. It might work great with the 120 ring flash stuff I am shooting of dad and new photos I plan to shoot of sex workers in Asia next trip. This could all turn out really really well. I need to continue to work hard and improve in the darkroom, I want to become a truly great printer. I want my photographs to sing out with strength and beauty. My darkroom might be the best equipped or at least top 3 in the city, maybe one of the top 5 in the province. I have no excuses now, I have the enlargers, I have the paper and chemistry, and might even have the negs. Lets print some great stuff!

Update** The bulb in the enlarger is a 150w and they recommend a 250w in the manual. I have read the bulbs are harder to find now and some adaption of the head might be required. You can manipulate the position of the bulb in the had quite a bit. I will experiment with the 150 and see how it works out, I also have some kind of other big ass (not sure size) bulb in my darkroom cupboard from years ago that might work. If worse comes to worse I will have to adapt the head somehow, plenty of info on that online.

Update*** I have all the condensers (2 at a time) I need to use 240mm, 210mm, 150mm, 80mm and 50mm lens on the enlarger. I do not have a 50 or 80mm lens thou that fits my turret lens board. I might have to get another lens board if I use this enlarger to print 35mm or 120 film.

Free Durst 138S 5x7 enlarger

Be Happy Everyone

More Free Stuff

My photography friend Jack is giving out some more free stuff today. I think I should be able to use most of it now, or if not now I will use it in the future. I believe there will be 2 free metal closet cabinets I can use for storing my neg binders. A bunch of darkroom trays which are always useful as these things break down over time. The last possible items are Durst enlargers. There is a 4x5 1200 chasse (no head) and 1 maybe 2 5x7 Durst enlargers. With all the 5x7 negs I plan on shooting in Thai in the coming years a 5x7 enlarger could be very useful. Not sure if these unit(s) are condenser enlargers, table units or stand alone machines.

If I do get the 5x7 today from Jack I plan on a big reorganization of my darkroom space to allow another enlarger into the room. The 5x7 would give me 6 enlargers in the darkroom, another 2 in my garage and 1 ancient one in dads garage, good thing I love my darkroom work!! If I set up a second rental darkroom I can put all the garaged machines into that space. This second darkroom would also be a great place for my new photo group friends to meet and print.

I might be able to use this new-used 5x7 enlarger for another purpose. I believe these machines are capable of projecting on walls to make very large prints, they have a twisting head that allows for wall projections. I probably could print super large prints from all my different neg formats. I will have to see if any of this is possible when I go to pick up the new stuff in a few hours. Free is always great, and anything that helps me make better pictures I am all for! Thanks again Jack for your generosity.

Here is a list of the enlargers that will be in the darkroom if I add the 5x7.

1) Saunders LPL 4x5 with multigrade head (main enlarger);
2) Durst 4x5 450 colour head enlarger.
3) Saunders LPL 4x5 wall mounted with color head enlarger.
4) Omega 4x5 condensor enlarger.
5) Durst 8x10 colour head enlarger.
6) Durst 5x7 enlarger.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Quote: Steve Austin ( Pro Wrestler, Actor)

"Hard work, you know determination, and you know that's always going to take you places. You can have a lot of good intentions, you can have smarts, you can have talent but the bottom line is hard work is going to beat all that every day of the week if you keep applying it."

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Quotes: Michael Landon (Actor)

"People would do themselves a great favor if they would take the blame for things that go wrong, and say to themselves, I've got to do something about this.' But you can't do anything if you always blame your problems on someone else. You have to say, 'It's my fault, and I'd better do something about this."

I think Michael Landon had it right, you need to take it upon yourself to do better. I can't let all the rejections get me down. I can't blame other people, I need to fix this myself. I need to work harder, devote more time and energy to my photography and improve as an artist. With more effort, more dedication, more hard work, more everything, things will work themselves out. More importantly then all of that, by working and growing I will be able to tell the stories of so many forgotten people. I will be able to meet and learn from them and then try to capture who they are on film. I might be able to give them a voice, what's better than that! It's a frickin awesome why to live my life.

Here is another quote from Mr. Landon

"Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows."

Michael is right again, he died of pancreatic cancer at 54, only 4 years older than I am now. We need to grasp opportunities while we still can. I need to get on with making my photos, and telling my stories, maybe I should try to start at 50, quit my job and move forward. If I wait till 54 or 55 who knows what will happen, maybe you get ill, maybe something else happens that pulls you away from your goals. While you can you need to push hard to try and achieve your dreams, there are no guarantees you will reach 51 or 52 or 53.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Quote: Edouard Boubat (Photographer)

Photography as a way to celebrate life! I need to add more truth, more beauty into my photographs. My photography should be about humanity in all of its complexity, not only the ugly parts, but also the joy and wonder of being alive.

Here is Mr. Boubat speaking of what he tried to acheive in his photography after World War II.

"After the war, we felt the need to celebrate life, and for me photography was the means to achieve this."

"In fact, my photography is not about the country, it's about the people I meet. It's about the chance encounters. If you don't love people, it is difficult to work."

Lella, Brittany 1947 by Edouard Boubat

Horizontal 8x10 Enlarger

I found this on YouTube today, if I had a darkroom big enough this would be a very fun tool. You could make VERY big prints with this machine. What's kind of cool is I think this machine is Thai based, maybe in Bangkok as they have Thai writing on the channel.

เครื่องอัดรูป 8x10 = Kruong roop 8x10 = machine for 8x10 photo

Maybe I will get this unit and put it in my Bangkok condo! Haha, screw the bed, sofa, fridge get me the เครื่องอัดรูป 8x10! I can use it as my enlarger, sofa, table and bed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zH0EZRK7Wzc

The Cost Of Bulk Film

Kodak jacked their prices yet again. The current cost for Tri-x 35mm bulk (100 foot roll) is $99.95 USD out of BandH in New York. One hundred dollars a canister, imagine that! Ilford HP5 sells for $59.95 USD, that's a fricking $40 difference. I am glad I have a 5 plus maybe 10 year supply of Tri-x because I am not sure I will be buying any more new stuff. I might be able to get some outdated film now and again but at $100 American for 100 feet it might be priced out of my budget.

Like Jock Sturges told me HP5 is a good film, use that. I love Tri-x but my days of buying it new might be over. I can make important photos with HP5 as well, and I can make 40% more photos at the same cost. With a 40% cushion I should have a few more printable negs.

This is all years in the future of course as I have tons of 35mm, 4x5, 5x7 and 8x10 Tri-x and I just bought 110 rolls of their 120 version. I have over 100 of those rolls left for the next Thai trip.

Update* Just did a calculation. At the current B&H prices a bulk roll of Tri-x is $99.95. A single film of Tri-x is $4.79. In one bulk roll you get 18 or 19 tolls of film. So for 18 films you would pay $86.22 or for 19 films $91.01. It cost more to do it yourself and you have to worry about scratches and film canisters popping open, go figure! Why buy the bulk?

They must have raised the bulk roll prices first (typical Kodak confusion), the prepackaged stuff will be next, $6 a roll? $7? Heck if I sold all my frozen Tri-x I could probably make quite a profit, maybe I could buy a Thai condo with it!

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Great To Have Photo Friends, New-Used Light Box

It is great to have friends in the photography business, people who love and live photography. Today I picked up a wonderful free light box from a friend Jack who is closing down his pro studio. I wiped the light box down and reversed and cleaned the white plastic and now its almost like new, thanks Jack!

Jack also gave me a 10x10 piece of anti newton glass I can use with my Durst 8x10 enlarger if I ever break my current glass negative carrier. Its great to have a back up piece of glass just in case I have an emergency, these things run around $700.

I might be picking up a free Durst 1200 (no head) chassis as well next week, I will have to get a head for it. Michel Karmen the master printer I quoted yesterday swears by the Durst 1200 with the 501 head. He says they are the best enlargers ever made, very sturdy and well made which leads to the sharpest prints (no vibration during exposure). If I can manage a head for the enlarger it might become my number one machine, I have a 450 head which might work, thou I would prefer a 501.

I have been thinking how best to use this new tool. I have a small light box in my darkroom which I use when I am printing. The one I picked up today measures around 24x24 so I can place 4-8x10 negs on it at the same time which is great. I need to set up a room just for my negatives. The biggest mess I have in my photography is my total lack of organization with my negs. Often the hardest part of the printing process for me is finding the damn negative! I need to organize! With a dedicated negative room I can number, date my neg binders and arrange them by format, year, subject etc (35mm, 120, 4x5, 5x7 and 8x10 in both color and black and white). Using this free light box to view and organize my thousands and thousand of negs seems the way to go, I might be on the right track to quicker and easier printing sessions.

Having all my negs in one room is a daunting thought, gosh my whole life would be in that little room, everything I am, have been or might become would be stored on those shelves, in those binders.

Here is the light box:

Quotes: Michel Karmen (Master Printer)

This is from Camera & Darkroom magazine, September 1995.

"Before I start the actual exposure I take a moment to fix the image in my mind and review what I plan to do. If you just push the button, then the image takes you by surprise you've lost before you even start."

"...when I print...I am concentrating on what I am doing now, and nothing else. If you're thinking about something other than the image while you're printing, it will show. The difference might be subtle, but I believe that's what distinguishes a truly great print from a very good one."

C&D: What advice would you give to printers who want to improve their own skills?

"Print, print, print and then print more."

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The Latest And The Greatest

Here is my latest favorite Bangkok condo, it seems like everyday I find one I like better. I am focusing now on corner units under 2 million baht, that are freehold (100% buyer ownership). I love the light you get from corner units which have lots of windows. When your dealing with such small spaces daylight can save the place from feeling dungeon like. This condo has a separate bedroom, a small kitchen and bathroom plus lots of daylight, its on the 7th floor of an 8 floor complex. The apartment building (bottom photo) is near shopping and not to to far away from a sky train station (easier transport within Bangkok).

A space like this would be a great refuge during my extended time in Thai, I could process film, see whats working and whats not working, rest and plan for more photos. This could work! Imagine that, making photos each and everyday for 6 months, processing film, eating great Thai dishes and growing as a person and artist (hopefully). Maybe dreams can come true.

Update* I got an email fromt he seller of this property, it is 3.1 km from the nearest sky train station and about 5 km from 3 major shopping centers. The condo is located in a OK location not great but not bad either. There is also new construction of another tall building nearby which I am not big on (blocks the view, noise). This is still my current favourite property and I will view it if it is still available when I am back in Bangkok. First of course I need to save the money some how!

$57000 CAD, 46 square meters, Bangkok, OK location.

The Grand Plan

While all the rejections lately have been a real downer I am not going to let them curtail my photographic creativity or dreams. I have decided to double down and have therefore concocted a "Grand Plan" for my photographic future. Now that I am 50 years old I have limited years available to me for making pictures so I need to take more drastic steps to tell the stories I need to tell. Screw what the art experts think, I am going to make my pictures the way I think is right and tell the stories that I think are important. I will make sacrifices and push forward to create regardless of the critics.

Wow that was very self righteous and arrogant paragraph!! I must be turning into a ARTISTE!

The grand plan consists of:

1) Working my security gig until I have $100 000 dollars in the bank, that should happen when I am 54 or 55 (hopefully sooner). It will be very hard to save that much, I will have to do without lots of things but in the end it should be worth it.
2) Asking for a leave of 6 months from my work site where I have been for 18 years (by then over 20), if the leave is refused I will quit the site and move on ( a scary idea).
3) Go to Asia for 6 months to pursue my various Asian photo projects, then return to Canada.
4) If I lose my security site I will continue that rotation process, 6 months or so in Asia followed by 6 months or so in Canada working. This plan would allow me to create thousands of photographs, it would allow me to devote myself completely to my art.
5) I would keep up this 6/6 thing for as long as my money lasts, possibly 10 to 18 years. If I can spend $10000 every 6 month in Thai (difficult), that would give me a possible 10 years of shooting. I will have a few other money sources later on in life that will hopefully help things out. With the addition of these money sources I might be able to continue this until I am 70 years old.

I would be living a very spartan existence but there is the real potential to create a very important body of work and that is what really matters. I think its important to start now in my 50s, who knows what shape I will be in when I am in my 60s. I wish I could start today but first I need the $100 grand first. I can expect no grants from the art expert people, except possibly the Edmonton Arts Council. I will have to do this on my own as best I can.

This plan could lead to great things and also involves lots of sacrifice. I will have to live very cheaply as a lower middle class Thai person might, no expensive meals, plane tickets or hotel rooms. When I return to Canada I will be forced to work all kinds of shitty security gigs for low pay, just to get by. Now I am comfortable and work a wonderful site, with decent pay, I would be giving up my comfort to chase down my dreams.

To help this plan along and to allow growth I plan on buying a cheap condo in Bangkok. The condo I can resell in 10 years and recoup some or all of my investment. Until then I can use it as a base of operations, a local safe comfortable place (a second home) I can hide out in and rest up for the next series of pics.

So often I hear from photo acquaintances why they cannot make photos, its excuse after excuse after excuse, I do not want to be one of those people. There are no excuses if you want to do it you simply sacrifice other areas of your life to allow for photography. If you do not do that then you do not put enough value on photography, plain and simple.

By following this plan I am setting myself up to have some powerful negs (at least in my eyes) when I reach 70 and go into the major printing phase of things which should be the last 10 years of my life (assuming I reach 80). I can also work towards fulfilling my vow to my father of getting a real (no blurb stuff) photo book published which I can dedicate to him. I owe my father everything I am and I need to move forward 100% in my photography not only for myself but also as a tribute to dad.

So there you have it, a selfish, conceited, arrogant long term plan to accomplish all my wild dreams and photo goals. No excuses, no stopping, just moving forward! Some folks will laugh, look down on and be critical of this so called "Grand Plan" but that is of no consequence. If you want to do important things you have to make sacrifices, you cannot bow to peer pressure to conform and you need to work very hard. Those that sit on the fence casting stones, should to be ignored.

If this effort leads to even one truly great photograph, it will be well worth it.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

A Few More Dad Scans

Here are a few scans from some 3 films that were hanging in my drying cabinet, dad in May of this year. I think I should be able to do some good work with the blad, ring flash and extension tubes on the next Asia trip, whether attempting the "Lost Innocence" photographs or continuing the work at the muay thai gym and Mae Sot dump. In the first 2 shots the sharpness is a bit soft but I kind of like the look the extension tube with 80mm gives, almost a dreamy nostalgic feel.

Dad, blad, extension larger extension tube and 80mmm #1

Dad, blad, extension larger extension tube and 80mmm #2

Quote: Geoffery James (Photographer)

"I am really interested in the poetics of space."

Advantages Of Having A Bangkok Condo

I have been thinking a lot of the possible, eventual, maybe, could be, condo in Bangkok and what advantages it would give me to create. Here is what I came up with:

1) I could set up a film developing darkroom, either in a 2nd bathroom or an adapted second bedroom. This would allow me to develop film to prevent a second set of X-rays on the return trip to Canada and let me to judge how the work is progressing over a 4-6 month Thailand stay (almost digi photo like).

2) I could scan the developed on negs on my Thai home computer and add them on my blog and website earlier.

3) I could store camera gear and other large equipment in Thailand allowing me to travel back and forth from Canada to Thailand and back to Canada with only a carry on bag for film and a few small expensive items.

4) I would save on hotel costs and have the convenience of my own place waiting for me without the need to check in, book rooms, deal with hotel staff etc.

5) I would have a kitchen which would save food costs.

6) Having my own space, with a small darkroom, 24/7 Internet access, art books, film only fridge etc should help my creativity and production.

7) I should be able to find something along the sky train and subway lines which would allow me to get from the airport to my room and bed in roughly 45 minutes. Airport link to Bangkok then either the sky train or the subway to the room, possibly no taxi or traffic problems. After a 24 hour, 3 plane around the world flight it would be great to be able to get into my own bed quickly and easily after arrival.

8) I would have a base of operations in South East Asia. I could photograph all over Bangkok, Thailand and countries like, Nepal, Laos, Burma, Cambodia and India then return to Bangkok to recover and process the film.

I think this whole condo thing could work out very well, it might be the ideal way to spend the last 15 years or so of my photo shooting life. Eventually I could sell the condo and use the funds in my last years or if I have enough money sell the condo and donate the dollars to a worthy charity/charities, somewhere in Asia. This could all lead to helping others through powerful documentary photography and secondary helping through a large financial donation.

Here are a few more condos:

$165000 CAD, 112 square meters, 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, great central sky train location Bangkok.

$79000 CAD, 65 square meters, 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, near sky train in Bangkok.

$66000 CAD, 60 square meters, 2 bedrooms, 1bath, near sky train in Bangkok.

$32000 CAD, 33 square meters, studio, 1 bath, OK location Bangkok.

AGA Visit

Today I took a trip down to the Alberta Gallery of Art today (AGA). Not much to see, a few photographs of note in one exhibition on flora and a few group of seven (again!) artist paintings but that's about it. Most of the exhibited work left me cold an not at all involved any any real emotional level.

The RBC Alberta New Works gallery had some more conceptual crap in it. This artists work was a bit of a curiosity but that's about it, I had no connection to it. The work was a wig in a fish tank being pulled around by a fishing wire (line) device. It was kind of cool to watch the fake hair move about slowly, sort of like looking at fish in a fish tank (I have 3 fish tanks so like that stuff). Once again the gallery was empty while I was there, no one seemed to care to see the work.

They also had a show called 90x90 that will feature 90 Alberta artists to celebrate the 90 years the Edmonton Art Gallery/Alberta Gallery of Art has been in business. Part 1 this first selection of I guess 45 artists took up the whole 3rd floor, there were no photographers or photographs in the show, I guess Alberta does not have any photographers in its history, who knew! Part 2 opens in October with the second 45 artists, not sure if 1 or 2 photos made that cut, will have to wait and see. One of the 90x90 works stould-out for me, a large painting of a couple in an elevator from an artist who died in a car accident at 56.

Basically a pretty boring uninvolved day, with limited curiosities and no real emotional response to anything seen. Maybe this is why the AGA is having financial problems, they need to start show stuff that visitors can be involved with and care about, something that draws some emotion out-a them. If you put only conceptual far out, unrelatetable pseudo art in your galleries no one comes! See the link for a story on the AGA's money issues.

http://metronews.ca/news/edmonton/947096/art-gallery-of-alberta-has-financial-lifeline-but-edmonton-councillors-looking-for-long-term-plan/

Friday, May 30, 2014

AFA Grant Rejection

Got the AFA grant rejection, am reposting my mistaken post from a few days ago.

The Alberta Foundation for the Arts jury pissed on my hopes and dreams again today, I got my latest artist grant request rejected today. They sent me the stock letter I have received 4 times now, with the generic no stuff. This is the 3rd time they have rejected the 'Families of the Dump", 4th time overall. Boy they will really love it when I make a request for "Lost Innocence", that rejection is already being prepared and I have not even wrote up the grant request yet. This is all so depressing. Same old same old letter so I will not bother retyping it just look up AFA rejection on the blog and you can read what they wrote the last 3 times.

To continue the "Families of the Dump"work I will have to do it 100% with my security money. It seems no one gives a flying f-ck about their story either, the galleries, the grant people all do not give a damn, my past work has failed to move them. I so want to take a positive yes letter from someone to read to dad before it's to late but that is just not going to happen, everything I try is coming back with no after no. Dad is going down, the people of the dump are forgotten, my submissions are failing, it's so hard to look at the world in a positive way right now.

Back to today's thoughts:

I need to buckle down, stop whining and work harder. I have to get in deeper, get closer to my subjects and make a larger more dedicated commitment. I also need to try to see things in new and exciting ways. It is easy to just do photography by the numbers, my friend Larry is teaching me to always be searching and questioning how I want to make your pictures. To often photography is boring we need to all reach out and make it unique and extroidinary. I should always be striving to create something new and to say it in a compelling powerful way.

If I end up getting a condo in Thai, and spend 4-6 months a year there starting in 3 or 4 years I will have no more excuses. I can get in very deep with my subject, whether it's Muay Thai boxers, slum portraits, families in a dump or sex worker stuff. I can spend months and months developing friendships and contacts, then I can live in that world and tell those stories at a deeper more personal level.

It looks like no grants are coming, no higher level shows are coming. I need to create, create and create some more. The best thing I can do is not let myself quit, not let myself get to down. Create for the sake of creating Gerry, forget everything else.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Wet Plate With Ring Flash Negs?

I did this photo of Melissa at my wet plate workshop at the Luz Studio Gallery workshop back in 2012. When I was in New Orleans I learned that you could do the wet plate process in the darkroom using a positive image in the enlarger. I am now thinking of possibly doing the "Lost Innocence" series this way, shoot my portrait head shot subject (brothel sex workers, trafficked and forgotten people) on a blad with a ring flash then convert that negative into a positive before doing up a 8x10 tin type or ambrotype. That is a lot of work to go through but I believe it could lead to some stunning and important possibly haunting photographs.

Here is Melissa from 2012:

Melissa wet plate photography student, Canada 2012

Quote: Bruce Reynolds (From The BBC Mini Series, The Great Train Robbery)

Mr. Butler (chief detective policeman) "Why'd you do it? A job that big your never going to get away with it, you must have known that?"

Bruce Reynolds (master mind behind the great train robbery)"You've got to dream big Mr Butler, what we here for hey, if we don't make our mark."

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Good Day With Dad

I went over to dads today and had a good day, cut the lawn at his house, got him some KFC and moved the furniture again. Dad did not like yesterdays set up, he thought it looked messy. It was great to be with him today, he looked better after a long sleep. He said the most sweet "Thank you Gerry" when I left. No pics today but a good day non the less. Maybe tomorrow or the next day I can try doing some more 5x7 film shots of Dad.

Dad Visit Makes My Day

I went on a mistaken rant yesterday (that blog will might back later when the grant is eventually rejected). I removed the rant and added a story on what was really rejected my 5 print Art by Acquisition submission. After I received the letter made my mistake and wrote the rant I went to visit dad, and the below write up is the result of that.

Am in a bit of a better mood now, sorry about my rant. Spent some time with dad tonight, he was better than yesterday. I moved around furniture the way he wanted me to and spent some time talking to him about maybe in the future getting a cheaper condo in Bangkok. It was great to be with dad, the rest of the time I sat in the kitchen working on a iMac editing the video I we will show at his funeral. I told dad of all the things from his life we would be including, his growing up, his years with tour family (pics), videos of his wedding and other weddings (video and pics), his days playing the drums in a wedding band (video and pics), his years at the farmers market (video and pics), his 2 month trip to Thailand with mom (video and pics) and finally a video I am doing up of mom and dad dancing together though the years (married 57 years in July) to a Ann Murray song he loves (video). I want the whole video to run around 15 minutes long, no more than 20 minutes for sure. Dad was happy to hear about all the moments that will be included. It was a good night that cheered me and him up a bit.

Note* Dad always likes to rearrange the furniture in his house, every time I would visit over the years things had shifted and moved this way and that way, this is something that has gone on for decades. Now with dad being to weak to do that sort of thing it has become my job, he lays on the sofa and instructs me on what he wants where. It's something I used to joke about eventually happening many years ago, now it has. Now I am the mover, a sad thing but its also beautiful, I am glad it makes dad happy, the re-arangement will make the next few days for him better. Then we will re-arrange the furniture again and again and hopefully again.

Monday, May 26, 2014

AFA Grant Rejection Mistake, Art Acquisition Rejection Instead

Oops, turns out I was not refused a grant for the 4th time in my haste and sleepiness I went off fully cocked to early. I will re post that rant later when I am actually rejected (in a month?).

What the Alberta Foundation for the ARTS rejected was my 5 photos I submitted below for their art acquisition buy. This still sucks I could have used the money to make more photos and a purchase of images would have allowed the voices of those photographed to be heard and be seen by the people of Alberta. With no one willing to show or buy the work they will sit abandoned in my neg binders, the lives in the stories forgotten. It's frustrating when you throw everything you have into your work and people keep saying no. You struggle on, do your best, fight to create, you work and work and work some more, then another no and another no. I feel like I let all the folks in the pictures down, I was not able to tell their stories and show the world their lives.

I thought the photographs were as good as anything I have ever done. I do not know if I can do work stronger than this. What do you do if you gave it everything you got, if you do as good as you can do and they still say no? The expert panel did not think the work worthy, I wonder what qualifies you as an art "Expert".

I need to move on and keep trying, maybe someday the stories I try to tell, and the lives of the people that I photograph will be heard. I need to keep pushing myself, I owe it to the people that let me into their lives. I need to keep working to tell the story of the little girl in the hammock living in the dump, the old man suffering from leprosy, the drugged out and forgotten Nepalese street kids, the young mother bathing her refugee baby, and the forgotten migrant farm family living in a tin hut. Maybe the expert panel people do not think their stories are worthy of being seen, but I need to keep fighting to get those voices heard.

Maybe that's all a bit of a dream, all a delusion on my part, all a bunch of self righteous nonsense but f-ck it it's my blog and I can rant all I want! : ) Sometimes it's good to vent!

I will keep shooting, I will keep working, I will keep telling my stories, I will never give up, f-ck all the art "EXPERTS" who think otherwise! Nothing will stop me!

Here are the rejected images:

http://gerryyaum.blogspot.ca/2014/03/art-by-aquisition-2014.html

Young girl playing in garbage"Families of the Dump" series, Mae Sot Thailand, 2013

Man in leprosy colony"Leprosy" series, Nepal 2013

Young boys sleeping on street, Nepal 2013

Mother bathing her baby girl, Mae Sot Thailand 2013

Mother cooking for family, Nepal 2013

Quotes: Orson Welles

"A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong."

"The only good artists are feminine. I don't believe an artist exists whose dominant characteristic is not feminine. It's nothing to do with homosexuality, but intellectually an artist must be a man with feminine aptitudes."

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Dad's Decline

Dads health is continuing to decline, it is so sad, so frustrating. I would do anything for my father but there is nothing I can do, this all makes me feel so useless. I visited dad before work today, his legs are so thin, he has lost so much weight, it's all so hard to see. Dad was always such a strong man, he could carry fridges up and down a flight of stairs by himself, now he has trouble moving at all.

I have some roasted chestnuts here at work in my lunch, I will save them for dad and give it to him tomorrow. These things are nice and soft, maybe he will be able to eat them, today he ate almost nothing.

I wish I could be with him now instead of having to come to work. Tomorrow my week off starts, I plan on spending as much time as I can with him this week. I am not sure how much longer dad can stay at home, he might have to move to the paliative care hospital soon (dad calls it the dying hospital). This might be our last week together, I need to be with dad all week. It will be so hard to live without my beautiful father, life will seem so much smaller without him to share it with.

Quote: Sir Elton John

This is from an opinion piece Mr. John wrote for CNN on a new HBO film "The Normal Heart", check it out if you can. This would be part of the story of my "Lost Innocence" project if I can ever scrape enough money together to create it.

"We must speak out against injustice, act with compassion, and fight for equality."

Here is the opinion piece:

http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/23/opinion/elton-john-normal-heart-call-to-action-on-aids/index.html?hpt=hp_t4

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Qoute: Bruce Barnbaum (Photographer)

I am reading a B&W Master Printing Class magazine by Bruce Barnbaum, he writes about the myth of placing shadows on zone 3 (when using the zone system) and also the difference between a photographer and a sensitometrist.

I understand where he is coming from I have photo acquaintances that are straight photographers and others that are more interested in testing and playing with densitometers. Sometimes the testing can get carried away and be quite riduclous, they do up charts, graphs and compute dozens of calculations with different film, camera, developer combinations. it never ends. Some tech photogs get so carried away with it all, they forget to make pictures! They test and test year in and year out, never really getting anywhere, it almost becomes some sort of ritualistic numbers fetish. I think they enjoy the testing stuff more than the photography, more than creating.

In his article Barnbaum makes some interesting comments on the difference of these two types, the photographer artist and the sensitometrist numbers cruncher. Bruce B strongly believes shadows should be placed on zone 4 or even higher and that development of the highlights should be done by eye. You figure out your film development times by experience (with your chosen film and light) and by looking at the negative and the final prints, not by testing and using a densitometer. He believes the sensitometrist makes negs to thin that lead to weaker prints, he believes negs should have some backbone, some density to them.

"Sensitometrists work with step wedges and their exact tones. They are like people who study a single musical note, a musical tone. But, melodies, which are made up of many notes, create a musical texture. You cannot get the feel of a melody by examining a single note, just as you can't get the feeling of texture by examining a single visual tonality. Sensitometrists do not work with textures, photographs do. Sensitometrists work with densitometers and graph curves. Sensitometrists are like piano tuners. You need them to keep the piano tuned, but you need a composer and pianist to play the music. Photographers are like the composer and pianist"

"...photographs are not step wedges; they are art meant to be personally expressive, to be seen by others, and to move them emotionally. They communicate a thought, a mood, an experience, a moment in time, a fantasy or any other idea the artist has to the viewer. They should be imbued with light and life. Following exact curves and exact enlarging times won't do this. You have to deviate from densitometer readings and identical approaches from one print to the next if you want to say something. You can run the tests yourself and get perfect results, but when you're in the field, you have to make adjustments if you want good photographs with rich tonal separations, palpable dimensionality, and emotional power. I don't own a densitometer. Never have. Never will. They give me no useful information. All I do is expose and develop a few negatives to find out what I want to know about a film' s response to light, and how the film works with a particular developer....Looking at negatives, making a few prints from them, and understanding the relationship between the negative and the print gives you more pertinent information than a densitometer does."

"Students should not be taught to keep negatives thin. Negatives should be stout, in order to yield good tonal seperations from the blacks to the whites."

My friend Larry has a 16x20 version of the photograph below by Bruce B and it is stunning, as good as anything if not better than what I seen in Ansel Adams prints. He must know what he is talking about, his work shows it.

Bruce Barnbaum print

Thursday, May 22, 2014

$30000 For A Condo

Kinda liked this condo, liked the light of the room which is rather small (41 square meters) but would serve my purposes. I would have a place to sleep, could set up a small film developing darkroom and small kitchen. The place is quite cheap in a Thai area of Bangkok, it cost $300000 CAD. Not sure how good this location is, Bangkok traffic can be very tough. I like the windows in this room, it makes everything seem so much nicer, brighter and alive. The sliding doors allow you to isolate the a/c to a smaller area which saves on power bills.This condo could be a storage area, a cheap room to sleep in, and a small darkroom for me if I did extended Asian trips, all for $30000.

Of course I do not have the money for any of this stuff but its fun to dream sometime, fun to think what kind of photo work you could do if you had a home base in the city, to develop film, plan, research etc.

Dad Tight 35mm Heads And 35mm Kit Thoughts

These photos of dad were inspired by some work by the photojournalist Paolo Pellegrin, they were shot 2 days ago. The negs were made on Tri-x at 800 with a Leica R6 and a 60mm close focus lens.

I do not think I can leave this lens camera combo behind next trip, I love using it to much. I will probably continue to take my full 35mm pack with me all the time, maybe every trip the rest of my life. I should probably buy more Tri-x 35mm bulk with the workshop money, I have a ton of this stuff (10 years worth?) but a little more would not hurt. If I take extended (4-6 month) trips to Thai to do photos I will probably shoot up this film much faster, a 10 year supply is liable to become a 5 year supply.

My 35mm kit is as follows.

2 M6 bodies
1 R6 body
35mm F1.4 M
28mm F2 M
21mm F2.8 M
60mm F2.8 R
100-200 rolls of Tri-x

Here are dads close heads:

Back And Forth, To Buy Or Not To Buy?

I am going back and forth, back on forth on whether to buy a condo in Thailand. I hope to spend extended periods of time there in the coming years, maybe up to 6 months a year. A condo in Bangkok would allow me to store my equipment in the country and also to set up a small film developing darkroom which means I could develop all my film there and bring back the negs to Canada to do the fine printing (no xray machine worries). My latest go around on this has me buying an older fairly large and reasonably cheap place then eventually fixing it up. I found this one tonight, 2 bedrooms (one for gear storage), 2 bathrooms (one for a film developing darkroom) a small kithen, 69 square meters. Heck I might even be able to set up a small white background studio. The cost of this place is around $55000, plus lawyer, deed transfer fees etc. so probably somewhere under $60000. The advantage of buying older condos is that you can get them fixed up to look really good at a reasonable cost as renovating in Thai is much cheaper than here in Canada. I could go with something around $60000 or even something cheaper, there are smaller 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom options for around $30000-$35000. Here is the quite nice $60000 place:

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

New Workshop, Advanced Darkroom

After the good success of my individual workshops on basic darkroom and basic view camera I have decided to add another workshop to the mix. This workshop will cover advanced darkroom techniques and allow the student to make archival quality fiber prints worthy of hanging in a museum. I am charging more for this workshop because it will run at least 4 hours and also use fiber photographic paper, selenium toner, bleach etc so there are extra costs. The workshop will be priced at $180. I hope some of my basic workshop students will also decide to take the advanced course.

I have the 6th workshop of the year scheduled for June 1st, that makes a grand total of 10 workshops since I started these things back in early 2013. I will put the $100 (darkroom workshop) from next Sunday's class into a purchase of more film or photo paper.

Here is a link to the newest workshop, Advanced Darkroom Techiniques:

http://www.kijiji.ca/v-photography-video/edmonton/advanced-darkroom-workshop-advanced-archival-printing/595261456?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Rejections Piling Up!

Got another rejection today, this one from the Mendel Art Gallery. They sent me back the entire package so I packed it up and will send it out to another gallery next week. Unfortunately all these reject letters contain the work Unfortunately! Soon as you see that word you know you are unfortunately screwed. Wouldn't it be cool someday to turn the tables, to get a request from a gallery to show your work (them asking you) and not be able to exhibit because of time, scheduling or other reasons and have to write back to the gallery and say UNFORTUNATELY I cannot show the work in your museum at the present time because of bla bla bla.

Hmm maybe someday!

Dear
Gerry Yaum

Thank you for taking the time to submit your proposal to the Mendel Art Gallery for consideration. We very much appreciated receiving it and have completed our review of recent submissions. Unfortunately in consideration of the existing requirements of the Gallery's exhibition program, we are declining the opportunity to pursue the project at this time.

We wish you every success for the project.

Best wished,

---- -------

Chief Curator

Dad 35mm Tri-x 200

Here are some shots of Dad from a Tri-x bulk roll I shot at my regular 200 ASA. Photos on the film were made from dads second time in the hospital until yesterday May 19th.

Monday, May 19, 2014

A New Look At Dad

One thing that happens when you photograph someone a lot like I have been doing with dad lately is you try to find a new way of looking at him and telling his story. These images were made with a Hasselblad, 80mm lens, 2 extension tubes and late evening available light. The camera was very close to dad as I was photographing as you can see. I might try this with my wide angle 55mm later if possible.

Update * After studying the work of photojournalist Paolo Pellegrin today I want to try doing some tight blurry head (face) shots of dad on 35mm probably with the R6 and 60mm lens. I will make those over the next few days. If these photos turn out I will take the camera with me to Thai next trip (5 cameras? 2 M6s, 1 R6, Blad, Linhof 5x7).

Dad close #1 May 18, 2014 Canada

Dad close #2 May 18, 2014 Canada

Dad close #3 May 18, 2014 Canada

Nobuyoshi Araki Show Link

With my recent re-interest in Nobuyoshi Araki and his work, I found this coming show of his in Tokyo (21st in this same gallery) of note. I guess Araki is going through several recent health issues, prostrate cancer and the possible permanent loss of eyesight in his right eye. His most recent work incorporates his real life problems.

http://www.takaishiigallery.com/en/archives/13153/

Video Links

Here is a nice group of links to photography videos, they even included my "Train is Coming" Klong Toey portrait video #8. Check out the Pier 24 video #18 it's the wonderful gallery in San Francisco I visited last year numerous times. There is also a important video on the Japanese photographer Eikoh Hosoe #7, complete with interview.

Mediander.com

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Photo Story: Nit 48 Sex Worker, Thailand 2009

Khune Nit is a freelance worker in Bangkok I have photographed maybe a dozen times through years, dating back to 1999. I have not photographed here the last couple of years but will go and try to photograph her with the ringflash and blad again next trip. Nit started out in the late 70s as a 16-17 year old working the gogo bars of Patpong in Bangkok, as she has aged she is required to do more and more estreme types of sex and makes less and less money doing so. Nit is a nice polite lady who has always been kind to me, everytime she sees me she asks if I want to make pictures. I have asked to photograph her at her home with her family (her brother drives a taxi) but have not been allowed into her personal world yet.

Tech stuff, Mamiya C330 twin reflect camera, 80mm lens, Tri-x rated 200, direct flash.

Nitt 48 freelance sex worker, Bangkok 2009

Photo Story: Muay Thai Boxer, Bangkok Thailand 2012

This photo was made in the Klong Toey boxing gym where I have photographed extensively since about 2012. I have sort of become a regular there and am now trying to arrange to help the trainers who are in search of foreign boxers (they make money if they train foreigners, they teach the Thais for free or almost free).

The gym is rather an intense place when the boxing starts but otherwise it's as friendly and open as most places in Thailand. I feel quite comfortable and welcome in the gym and plan to continue shooting there for many years to come. I also donate some money now and again to help out with the funding of the place as most boys there come from disadvantaged situations, drug use in the family, orphans etc.

The boxer in this photo was the son of one of the trainers, his uncle is the man training him here. What was a bit shocking was the intensity this man trained at, how hard he worked. The ironic part was I went to watch a match this boxer (Bon) fought in a few days after this photo was made. Bon 20 was punched out cold in the the 3rd round of his match, he was knocked completely senseless. You can see a photo I made of him in the recovery room. Check out the blog entry below, what was really strange was how the TV guys interviewed him when he was still semi unconscious.

Tech stuff: Leica M6, 28mm lens (?), Tri-x rated 800, stand development with Rodinal.