The last 2 weeks have been very difficult, very emotional and strangely at times rewarding. My 81 year old father is dying of pancreatic cancer. The illness hit suddenly he did not know he had a serious problem until maybe 2 weeks ago, which is in itself is a blessing because the cancer was probably growing inside him for many years. My dad and I share a birthday April 7th he will be 82 and I will be 50, the family hopes we can share this one last birthday together.
The good part of this terrible story is that because my dad is still in relatively good shape I have had the opportunity to visit him almost everyday in the hospital. We have had some wonderful conversations, I have told him what a great dad he has been and thanked him for that and have also been able to express and show my love for him. The whole family has had there chance to talk to and spend time with dad, and even thou its such a difficult and sad thing to lose him I know I will value this time we have together forever. I was able to take a week off work so I have 3 whole weeks to be with him if he can stay with us that long.
Our hope is that he can return home for a few days or a week soon, he still wants to go home, he still wants to do so much. One of the things dad told me was that he wants to make bread for the family yet, so if we can get him home and he is reasonable condition I will help him bake bread for everyone one last time. I am so grateful for the opportunity to spend time with him and speak from the heart about important things, if he had died suddenly I would never have had that opportunity, this time has been a real blessing. Dad has even given me advice about dealing with everything and we talk about stories from the past as well as plans for the future and the details of his funeral. I am so happy dad has the opportunity now to learn about how many people he affected in a positive way and that he got to hear people tell him how much they love him and how much he will be missed. To learn as your dying that you led a valuable and important life matters.
One side bonus of my photography came up today in rather a strange way. I had been making digital recordings of our conversations and also photographing dad in his room with the Leica's. Some of the nursing staff got a bit ansy with that because of the privacy rights and the explosion of social media. I had a talk 2 days ago with some of the head people (great sensitive people) of the hospital ward where I explained my purpose for doing all the recordings and photography and they understood and helped me . My dad was originally in a 4 person noisy darkish room with only curtains separating the patients. To allow me to photograph and record in more privacy (and to protect the rights of other patients) the staff at the hospital upgraded my father free of charge to a semi private room (2 people) the room also has a big window which will allow dad to watch the elevators and other action outside (much better than a view of the curtains). The rooms window provides more light allowing me to make pictures at 200 ASA not 800 and is quieter for better audio recordings. Best of all dad is happier there as is my mom, finally my trouble making photo work has helped dad in a small way.
Considering how terrible this has all been, today was a relatively good day. Now we need to get dad safely home for a while so he can enjoy his last days out of the hospital. I hope we can share a piece of birthday cake together 1 more time on April 7th. When dad is gone I will miss and think of dad everyday the rest of my life, I owe everything I am to him.
The good part of this terrible story is that because my dad is still in relatively good shape I have had the opportunity to visit him almost everyday in the hospital. We have had some wonderful conversations, I have told him what a great dad he has been and thanked him for that and have also been able to express and show my love for him. The whole family has had there chance to talk to and spend time with dad, and even thou its such a difficult and sad thing to lose him I know I will value this time we have together forever. I was able to take a week off work so I have 3 whole weeks to be with him if he can stay with us that long.
Our hope is that he can return home for a few days or a week soon, he still wants to go home, he still wants to do so much. One of the things dad told me was that he wants to make bread for the family yet, so if we can get him home and he is reasonable condition I will help him bake bread for everyone one last time. I am so grateful for the opportunity to spend time with him and speak from the heart about important things, if he had died suddenly I would never have had that opportunity, this time has been a real blessing. Dad has even given me advice about dealing with everything and we talk about stories from the past as well as plans for the future and the details of his funeral. I am so happy dad has the opportunity now to learn about how many people he affected in a positive way and that he got to hear people tell him how much they love him and how much he will be missed. To learn as your dying that you led a valuable and important life matters.
One side bonus of my photography came up today in rather a strange way. I had been making digital recordings of our conversations and also photographing dad in his room with the Leica's. Some of the nursing staff got a bit ansy with that because of the privacy rights and the explosion of social media. I had a talk 2 days ago with some of the head people (great sensitive people) of the hospital ward where I explained my purpose for doing all the recordings and photography and they understood and helped me . My dad was originally in a 4 person noisy darkish room with only curtains separating the patients. To allow me to photograph and record in more privacy (and to protect the rights of other patients) the staff at the hospital upgraded my father free of charge to a semi private room (2 people) the room also has a big window which will allow dad to watch the elevators and other action outside (much better than a view of the curtains). The rooms window provides more light allowing me to make pictures at 200 ASA not 800 and is quieter for better audio recordings. Best of all dad is happier there as is my mom, finally my trouble making photo work has helped dad in a small way.
Considering how terrible this has all been, today was a relatively good day. Now we need to get dad safely home for a while so he can enjoy his last days out of the hospital. I hope we can share a piece of birthday cake together 1 more time on April 7th. When dad is gone I will miss and think of dad everyday the rest of my life, I owe everything I am to him.
