Dads Funeral

My fathers funeral was today. It was a very difficult especially for my mother. Her husband of almost 58 years was gone. When I kissed dad on the forehead to say goodbye, he was so so cold, ice cold. I remember this past year when I kissed him almost everyday his forehead was warm even hot. I would tell him "Dad see you tomorrow." and many times he would answer "See you dear" or the one time he said "See you sonny" (which was part of  the inspiration for the poem "My Father"). All those times I kissed dad, I thought of the day the kiss would be cold. I dreaded the coming of that day, today it happened.

  My Father
See you sonny!
  Today I'm going to die

Strong but soft
    Large now small
Work then give
    All for them

Love and miss
    Laugh then cry
See you sonny!
    It's time to die

Now he's gone
    But lives on
Heart to heart
    And in song

The funeral went well, I think dad would have been happy maybe even proud at the way it all went down. My eulogy got a positive response, probably got 15 compliments on it, the video was also positively received maybe 10 compliments there. Mom held up well with the help of so many family and friends. The guests had some good food at the end, the day was cold but sunny with little wind. I made some videos, took some photos with the Leica and digi. 

What I would normally do is transfer everything to DVD so that my father could watch it. I would run over to show him the video so he could see it all. I am sure he would have loved to know who came to his funeral, what they said, how they looked etc etc. Dad loved his family and friends, loved watching video of old anniversaries and weddings. I know he would have enjoyed watching his own funeral. He would have saw how much mom and his children loved him. At one point he probably would have told us, "Enough already! Don't bother, I am at peace now, don't make such a fuss.' 

My father has only been gone for 8 days but I miss him so much. I would just like to sit with him as he watched "Jeopardy", ate some pyrogies or watch him bake some bread. I would like to share a laugh with him just one more time.

Today was maybe the most difficult day of my life, and even harder on mom. I enjoyed spending time with my uncles and aunts, my cousins and their children but not having dad there to share it with is wrong, and strange. It all seemed half real to me.

Today dads forehead was ice cold, I will never seen his smile again, never be able to photograph him in my studio wearing strange hats, never again hear his stories or taste the fresh bread he baked for me. Things will never be the same now, when you have a father you sort of feel like a kid in a way. Your his little boy, he raised you, your his child but now my father is gone and that kid is also gone forever. 

I am worn down and tired, it has been a very long and difficult 13 months, time to try to think of other things and to sleep. Later when I am strong again I will work towards completing the vow I made to my father. I need to pay tribute to my father, his love for me is something I will never be able to pay back but I want to try to do the book and dedication I promised him. I need to at least try, if I fail I fail but I am going to give it my absolute best.

Me 34, Dad 66 on our shared birthday.