On to Other Countries?

I might travel to other countries after my Thai photo work is done. The countries at the top of the list are Cambodia, China and Mongolia. I have been to Cambodia several times but have not visited Angkor Wat since 1999, I would like to make photographs in that part of the world again. China and Mongolia are brand new countries for me, I have been to Hong Kong but never been to mainland China.

Two More Photo Sessions to Go

I have enough 8x10 film for two more photo sessions. Tomorrow I have 2 different men scheduled for 2pm and 4pm and then that's it. I will have shot 11 ladyboys, 9 men and 8 women. 28 people photographed over 31 photo sessions.

Mod 23

Was sitting outside on the street in a shortime bar area watching people walk up and down the road. After sitting there for maybe 15 minutes a Thai lady came up from one of the bars and started talking to me.

We sat and talked for over 1 hour about her life and mine, she had worked the bars for 4 months, her name was Mod she was 23 years old and very beautiful.

Mod told me that she did not want to live with any man that the only thing she wanted to do was spend time with her friends, that she felt nothing when sleeping with a man in her heart or sexually.

Mod is an intelligent lady who learned English quickly, her parents were farmers, she worked the bars because her family was poor. Many times I have heard Thais and others say that people who work the bars are to lazy to work hard at a normal job. I do not think that the bar life is the easy way out, it must be so tempting to fall into this life when you can make 10 times or 100 times what you can make working another job.

What kind of life would a woman like Mod have if her family had the money to send her to university. If she had the opportunities I had in my life what could she make of hers?

Nid 6 Years Later

I photographed Nit again tonight in a shortime room over the bar she has worked for the last 6 years. I first met and photographed Nid back in 2003, her eyes have dimmed since then, she looks tired most of the time, and now she has a small rose tattoo over her left breast.

Nid is a sweet lady who can still laugh when I make my silly jokes, I wonder how many more years she can work the bar life before it finally breaks her. Lots of damage has already been done to her emotionally but hopefully physically she can get through this part of her life.

Today before the shoot Nid showed me a cell phone video of a home she was building for her mother and her son and herself in the city of Korat in Northeast Thailand. I was happy to learn today that she was using her money in such a positive way, smart lady.

When I left Nid I told her I would see her next year but I hope she is not working in the bar when I return in 2010.

Long's Story

I photographed Long today again, this time in her room and I learned more about her life. She picked me up on her motorbike in the afternoon before the bars opened and drove me through the streets back to her apartment. The room rented for about $90 CAD a month was small and relatively clean, basically a room with a bed and small washroom and balcony. There was no fridge no air conditioning in the room, it was painted pink and on one wall there were 6 photos of some of her favorite male customers. Long has been working the bars for about 3 years but remains happy and upbeat about her fate. I learned more of her history today, did not understand everything as she only spoke Thai to me, but I got the main points.

- was married to a policeman and had a son with him, he died after drinking and driving a motorcycle. The son is now 7 and lives with Long' mother up oountry. Every month Long sends money to her mother and son.

- Longs father was a teacher he died from excessive drinking.

- Long came to Bangkok to work at a gas station but did not make enough money to support her mother and child, so when a friend asked her if she was interested in working in a bar with farang she accepted.

- She was almost 3 months pregnant with a Japanese customers baby (he was 65 Long was 25 at the time) when the Japanese man had a heart attack on the airplane and died after arriving in Thailand, Long had an abortion (7000 baht) after his death, and then prayed to Lord Buddha for forgiveness.

- She recently met a Farang male customer who promised to marry her, guy named Kevin from Australia (saw his photos and emails translated from English to Thai, Long cannot read English). Kevin has not called or written her for 7 months, Long told me she cried a lot. Emails were filled with sweet talk to her about love and such, and at the same time was talking about about the other women he had been with in Thailand when he was with her. The emails were basically a bunch of lies, example:

" I am not a butterfly, I only had 3 women when I was in Thailand, I liked you the best, I miss laying next to your warm sexy body. Love Kevin XXXXXXXX "

Butterfly= a man who sleeps with many ladies

Guess this Kevin guy spent 10 days in Thailand and 1 night with Long.

I volunteered to send an email to this fellow with Longs phone number etc. to try and reestablish contact.

Kevin sort of looked like a biker, big tough with a bald head and goatee style beard about 250 pounds and tall. Long is a small girl well under 5 feet and 38 kilos.

One interesting part of her room was that her bed was covered with stuffed toy dolls/animals. At one point in our talk she showed me how she hugged the dolls and how each had a name that corresponded with the name of the man who had given it to her.

I always wanted to try to make a documentary film about the life of a person in the bar scene, maybe at some future date I can try to do it with Long. I wish I had a video camera to record our talk today.

A Room Full of Ladyboys

When I first came to Thailand in 1996 I remember being nervous and uncomfortable around ladyboys. Flash froward 13 years to today when I had 3 ladyboys in front of my camera in the studio, laughing and joking and making good photographs. The 3 ladyboys were Jiji, Fai and Apple, all quite photogenic.

Not sure why I felt uncomfortable in the past, it is probably just a case of not understanding something and being afraid because of your own ignorance.

I tried to photograph a series of dypics, I want to place two vertical large photographs side by side in one frame and create one work from two photographs.

Bla's Room

Photographed Bla in her room today. The room was hot and small with a spinning ceiling fan,it had not been painted for decades and was dirty. During the shoot Bla found a rather large cockroach which she swept out the door with a magazine. The room rented for about $5 CAD a day, Bla shared the room with another Thai girl who does not work as a prostitute.

I photographed her in various areas of the room, she had a dog toy and a bird toy that sang, there were no batteries for the bird toy Bla wanted to hear it sing again and asked me if I had any batteries.

Nice sweet girl who laughed and told jokes with me but who lived in a terrible place doing terrible things. When I cut my leg during the shoot Bla put some cream on the scraped skin for me. She said she often brought farang males back her room for shortime sex, some of the farang had sex with her then left the room without paying.

When I left the room I had to pay a fee to the man sitting out front, I guess when someone is brought to the room their is an extra charge (farang or Thai).

Drunk

Was at a McDonalds today where I saw a farang male about 35 years old so drunk he could barely walk. If it was not so pathetic it would have been funny to watch him stumble about holding his little plastic McDonalds bag. What was really weird was that even thou he could barely stand he still approached 3 working girls on the street after he had picked up his meal.

Photographing Bla Again

Bla a lady worker I have photographed several times keeps asking me to photograph her again. Bla is a nice sweet lady but not attractive, she is thin looks sickly and is desperately trying to make money. She cannot find any customers and has been arrested by the police several times, she now is down to pawning her cell phone (for $9.00) for some cash.

I will photograph her in daily room that she rents for 40 baht a day ($1.30 CAD).

Nurse or Girlfriend??

Saw two couples today in two different restaurants. Each couple included a man in his late 70s or early 80s and a Thai woman about 30 years old. The man in both cases was basically an invalid, I have seen couples like these before, I have never been quite sure if the girl in this relationship was a girlfriend or nursemaid. Maybe she is a combination of both, maybe she nurses him and also provides a trusting relationship as well as a sexual one at times.

Bay

Photographed a hardcore girl named Bay. Bay had tattoos on her hand and butt, never seen that before. She was very money oriented, sexy and quite beautiful but also hard and cynical, no doubt molded by her years in the bars.
Gerry: Do you have a boyfriend?
Bay: I have a customer in Norway.
Gerry: You have a boyfriend in Norway?
Bay: No I have a customer.
Gerry: Oh a customer.
Bay: In Norway also in England and America.

Running out of film now have enough for 4 or 5 shoots, want to photograph at least 3 more ladyboys.

Gerry Yaum Goes French

Latest link to the page comes from some kind of French site, not sure what it is all about.

http://forum.hardware.fr/hfr/Photonumerique/Divers-7/bistrot-topheux-topheuses-sujet_141_13681.htm

Darkroom Fun Ahead

I am really looking forward to developing all this film and making prints in the year to come. I really enjoy my time in the dark after a my Thai shoots. It is such a pleasure to rediscover the people I photograph now in the months ahead. Making large, beautiful, sharp and detailed portraits is a super high that is hard to verbalize.

I also am looking forward to making my annual VAAA submission that will be rejected.

: )

Future Projects

Even as I make photos on this project I have been thinking of the images I want to make in the future. I want to do the "Khon Thai Project (The Thai People)" in the years to come, probably using a 4x5 rangefinder along with b/w or color film.

Recently I was thinking about also continuing the white background images made with the 8x10. I want to photograph other subjects, I am tired of photographing sex workers. I identify with these people and will probably come back to making portraits of them in the future but I want to also photograph other subjects that interest me.

- Monks and Nuns
- Muay Thai Boxers
- Police/Army/Navy officers and cadets

When I go back to Canada I plan on purchasing a second set of flash equipment. I will have one for Canada and one for Thailand then. I can work with various lens (want to try the 360mm more, Avedons lens) and also want to work on my composition and speed in focusing and improve the rhythm I have of shooting.

Ti, Sak and Jiab

Photographed 3 men this afternoon,Ti,Sak and Jiab. All 3 men work in a gay gogo bar in a gay area of the city. I photographed Ti back in 2007, this is the second time I have photographed him this trip. I will do solo shoots with Jiab and Sak tomorrow afternoon, 2 hours apart.

Both Ti and Sak have extensive tatoos which I hope will work well in the portraits. Sak has no tattoos but has a certain sadness in his expressions that appeals to me. It was difficult and fun to try and shoot all 3 men at the same time in my little itty bitty studio with my one 300mm lens.

I am also hoping I can photograph another man with tattoos and piercings named Ball in a couple of days along with a man named Mon who I photographed in 2007.

Drunks and Sex

This town wheres you down. Day after day what you see on the streets and in the bars is drunk men chasing the women and men working the bars. I tire of being in this environment, how can men stay here for decades? If you have any understanding of Thailand and Thai culture you can see the falsehoods in this city. Thai woman do not act the way the women of the bars do, it is an illusion created for the sex tourists who visit. It is a Disneyland of sex here, artificial and empty.

Do the men here not see the hollow look in the women's eyes? Do they not see the anger and disgust they often feel for the men they are with? When I look at the couples on the street maybe 2 in 10 seem genuinely happy. Are the rest of the men here blind to the reality of their relationships? to drunk to notice? or do they not care? do they want to just buy sex and move on to another woman every few days? maybe so.

I look forward to my next trip here when I will start my "Khon Thai Series". I want to record/document the reality of Thailand, I want to photograph the real Thai people.

German chokes on dentures, dies in a Soi 6 bar

This story is from a local paper, an inglorious way to go.

-----------------------------------------

German chokes on dentures, dies in a Soi 6 bar

Boonlua Chatree
A German man, sleepy after rounds of beer drinking died after swallowing his dentures in a room above a Soi 6 bar.
Klaus Peter Rudolf J. Unger, three days beyond his 69th birthday, was discovered flailing wildly on a bed on the second floor of the Lucky beer bar June 10 by owner Kanitha Noothong. Although realizing the man was choking, Kanitha was unable to rescue him before he suffocated.
Police arrived to find Unger lying dead in only his underwear for about 10 minutes.
There were no signs of disarray or fighting in the room.
Kanitha said Unger had been drinking beer in her bar and asking to rest in a room upstairs. She went up to check on him and saw him choking on his upper dentures and called an ambulance. He died before the medical team arrived. Unger’s body was sent to the Forensic Institute for an autopsy.

Following Jock's Advice

In emails that Jock Sturges sent me when I asked him to critique my work he suggested I needed to photograph the same people over several years. I have tried to do that during this years series of photographs. So far this trip I have rephotographed several people from 2007 and 2008.

- Nid female worker
- Long female worker
- Jiji ladyboy worker

Over the next few days I will try to rephotograph Ti and Mon, both male workers. I have also photographed several people for the first time this trip but have done several sessions over several day (up to 3 sessions per person).

It is so much easier photographing people that know and trust you. The photographer also benefits, if you photograph someone you know well you can usually communicate your messege more clearly.

Da

Photographed a male freelance sex worker named Da yesterday. Da has very sensitive eyes, I hope I can communicate the message I saw in his eyes into the final prints.

I will photograph Da again today with another male worker named Bik. I want to do a series of heads with them. I made only 1 head shot of Long a female sex worker last trip as I was unsure of the technique, I really liked that one image so this trip I have been doing heads with almost everyone I have made photos of. If I can get these powerful heads composed/exposed and focused correctly I could do a submission that consists of 10 or 15, 20x24 b/w head shots.

Boy Gogos

Ventured into the world of male gogos today. I am trying to photograph more men this trip, to round out the picture of the sex worker (Female,Ladyboy,Male). To find people to photograph I am going to a number of bars in the gay areas.

I found and met Ti again, the man I photographed 2 years ago in 2007. I also was stopped by another man I photographed before. eThe mans name was Mon 2 years ago I ago but did not recognise him, he stopped me outside a bar and spoke to me, I photographed him, I did recognised him with some thought and after hearing his name, he had changed his haircut and looks quite different now.

Tonight I think will be quite fruitful, I should be able to make photos of 4 or more of men from the bars I visited.

Overheard Conversation

Was at a restaurant last night and over heard the following conversation between a farang and a bargirl. The farang was about 70 years old with a big belly and healthy tan, he had white hair and was dressed all in white. The bargirl was abit older around 30 years and looked angry.

Farang: I never go with other lady from your bar.
Bargirl: I not believe you.
Farang: I never do.

If a man goes with a girl from a bar the girl will expect him to stay loyal and not go with other girls from the same bar. It is a big taboo if a man goes with other girls from the bar.

The whole arguing with bargirls about not having sex with other woman is very common here. To spend your old age sitting in a restaurant doing that seems like such a waste of time. One month from now he will be in a different restaurant with a different bargirl having the same meaningless conversation.

Hair Cut

Boy is getting a haircut here in Thailand a pleasure. You walk into a shop they do the following:

- Wash and massage your head which feels great.
- Cut/shave your hair, the cut usually lasts about 45 minutes.
- Rewash your hair to remove all the cut/loose hairs.
- Hair is dried/jelled.

I had a haircut like this today and it cost me 160 baht ($5.50 CAD)


Damn I wish I could have one of these shops back home I pay $15 for a 10 minute haircutt (cut only).

Eli Expat

In the bar areas of Thailand most of the men you meet are sleazeballs, much of the scum of the earth descends into the bar world for cheap sex and booze.

Today I met someone different I had a very articulate interesting conversation with a ex pat named Eli. We talked for about 3 hours on a variety of subjects:

- Palestinian, Israeli conflict
- Africa
- Languages (Eli spoke 5, English, Hebrew,Hungarian, Spanish, Swahili)
- Love
- Family, being a father
- Hate, fighting, war

With most farang here wanting to talk about woman, sex and running down the Thai people it was very refreshing to speak about places and worlds I might never enter.

Feeling Comfortable

Feeling more comfortable in Thailand than I have ever felt before. My Thai language skills have improved, I can joke better, speaking on the telephone is not so intimidating now, I can order food from markets and street stalls, I can even pick up snippets of conversations and understand some songs and some Thai TV. Beyond the language I feel comfortable moving in the streets, using various forms of transport, getting help when needed etc.

I think that my "Khon Thai Project, Thai People Project" is a practical possibility now. I just wish I could remain here and continue to improve my language skills, when I return to Canada everything digresses.

Rak and Gai

Photographed Rak 35 and Gai 23 today. This is the second time I am photographed Rak and the first time I photographed Gai. Gai is a very outgoing very straight forward fun person to be around. Gai joked and laughed and performed for the camera. After the photo session we all went out and had a nice breakfast. It was fun to sit and talk to them they told me about their lives. Rak and Gai are lesbian lovers they work with Western men on the street but in private they are lovers. Rak told me that the reason she was with a lady was because before she had many problems with her Thai husband and now she found it easier to relate, trust and talk to a lady (Gai), she cannot share her inner self with a man anymore. From talking to them and interacting with them a longer time I feel that Gai is a lesbian in her heart but Rak is one more out of necessity to have someone she could trust and share with.

Two very nice ladies that I enjoy being with. I remember back to the first time I saw Rak and the farang man who spoke about her, he was only interested in her because she had a reputation for giving good oral sex. Farang males sex pats look at her and only see that part of her but she is so much more. It makes me angry to think back to the way he spoke about her.

http://gerryyaum.blogspot.com/2009/06/expat-quote.html

Gop

Photographed Gop tonight a 27 year old ladyboy. Gop's mother died 4 years ago and her father is sick back home, Gop helps support her family working in the bars.

Gop is a sad and erratic person, her moods shift rapidly. At times during the photo session she made advances towards me at other times she cried when talking about missing her boyfriend and helping her family.

She kissed me twice on the cheek and told me how cute I was, she talked about her life and how all farang always lied about everything. Here dream was to meet someone who could take care of her.

Gop also dreamed of having breasts which cost about $1315 USD.

Rak

Photographed a nice lady named Rak today, 35 years old with a 15 year old son. Rak has a wonderful laugh which made her seem soft and sweet. I liked her almost immediately, she seemed honest, straightforward and practical. Even thou her education was limited Rak is smarter than many of her customers.

Police Raids

Thai police had been raiding the street where the freelancers work recently. They fine the girls 100 baht the first time they arrest them and then 500 baht the second time. I was told the reason they arrest the girls was because the bar owners did not like the fact the girls were undercutting their business (the women/men on the street go with customers at a lower rate than the women/men in the bars). Police receive bribes from the bars then arrest the girls so the bars will be able to make a larger profit. The raids also included prearranged news coverage which creates the PR illusion that the police are not corrupt and doing their duty.

Da Strong Thai Lady

Met a strong tough and smart Thai woman today Da. Da was sitting outside a shortime bar but was not a sex worker, she was probably an owner or mamason at the bar.

Da had a simple philosophy, it basically said you should learn to love yourself first and not rely on others. She told me that many of her friends had tried to commit suicide when they had lost husbands/boyfriends. Da seemed hardened by life and very practical and outspoken, example:

"I was sitting at a bus station when a farang man sat beside me smoking a cigarette. I said to him, DO YOU KNOW ME, the man says no, WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME, WHY DO YOU SIT HERE AND GIVE ME SECOND HAND SMOKE?"

R American Expat

Talked for over 2 hours yesterday to a American expat named R, R actually did most of the talking. It seems most expats here love to talk when you meet them, maybe they just miss speaking English to someone who is fluent and educated, they seem lonely to me.

R was a police officer from Chicago, divorced over 20 years ago and has been living in spots around the world where he can meet women, Costa Rica, Philippines and now Thailand. R showed me many clothed tasteful photos of his girlfriends from the various countries, all between 20 and 35, all extremely beautiful. I must have looked at photos of over 30 girls.

For the most R was polite when talking about the girlfriends and the countries he has visited but he was also proud of his sexual prowess, he talked about his technique and how he could "bang her good for 1 hour" and how he "worked the clit to get her to make noises". R is in this 60s

The first time I met R he was talking to a Thai sex worker on the street, he was touching all over her body, it seemed creepy to me, he looked like was about to pounce on her like vulture, at least he gave the girl some money when s he left. He could not take the girl back to his room because he was also interested in the woman running his apartment and did not want her to see him with another woman, or it might ruin his chances.

My first impression of R was negative he looked like a predator to me a creepy guy dressed in white clothing. Talking to him later thou, he was well spoken, polite and intelligent.

Sico

Photographed a Thai man named Sico today 21 years old from the town of Roy Et. Sico came to Pattaya because his family was poor, he worked in a male gogo bar as a server and was paid only 2500 baht a month ($75 CAD). He quit his job and tried to find another job but could not so started selling his body on the street to western men.

I photographed him for 1 hour and we talked about his life. Sico was very nice and spoke politely by the end of the session we were friends of a sort, he was relaxed and joking. His view of farang(Western) men has been twisted by his personal experiences. He said "I never seen a farang like you before, other farang only want sex sex sex."

Thai Massage

Traditional Thai massage is a wonderful experience. The masseuse uses his/her fingers/hands/elbows/knees/feet and body weight to give a very relaxing massage. Last night I had my second massage but spent to much time talking. I think I talked more Thai in that 2 hour period then I have in the last 2 years!! I was getting a headache after after all the talking. The lady giving me my massage (Boon 48 years old) understood most of what I said and I understood about 60-70% of what she said. I think my Thai is improving again, being in country forces me to speak and to learn but sometimes I feel very tongue tied!!!

Bla

Photographed Bla last night, a girl 21 who worked the streets as a freelance worker. Bla is very very thin with bad skin, she might be sick from HIV am not sure. She had a boy child who died before, very sad empty eyes.

I was sitting on a street bench drinking water when Bla sat down beside me, she was eating a small package of cookies and offered me one. Here was a girl that had very little money who was selling her body on the street but still was polite enough to offer food to a stranger.

Noy and Nui

Was walking down the street when I saw 2 Thai woman looking for customers, both looked young and were attracting interest from a farang man of about 60 years old. I could tell from the body language of one woman that she wanted nothing to do with this man. She kept moving farther ad farther away from him but he kept returning again and again (3 times when I was watching) to talk to her.

After his 3 third attempt I could see that the woman was very uncomfortable. I called the woman over and she sat beside me and we talked. I spoke to her in Thai about the old farang and she relaxed and smiled and then told the other woman what I had said. The girl was named Noy, she claimed to be 18 but looked younger (hard to tell somethimes the age of Thai people), Noy was working the street with her older sister a lady named Nui, she looked about 2 years older than Noy. I talked to them both for about 10 minutes, then they left to find a customer, I wished them goodluck and Noy wished me good luck in return.

So sad to see nice girls like these selling themselves to fat old farang, something is wrong with a world that allows this to happen.

Ladyboy Prejudice

I photographed a Thai ladyboy friend named Jiji for the 4th time today (once in 2007, once in 2008 and 2 times this year).

Ladyboys in Thailand face ridicule and prejudice. I believe that the Thai people are much more tolerant than Western countries like Canada or the USA are when it comes to acceptance of gay people. Even thou they are more accepting of this alternative lifestyle here in Thailand ladyboys still feel prejudice.

Jiji told me that many times when she walks on the street, Thai men will make jokes at her expense, she said that farang (western) men will often treat her better than Thais do.

Thai Massage

Had a wonderful traditional Thai massage last night, 2 hours of massage with tip cost about $10.50 CAD.

In the future I would like to include people who give massages in my "Khon Thai" project.

I would also like to make photos of people working in the soapy sex massage as well as blind masseurs who do traditional massage.

Social Deviants?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090528102303AAaJzgc

Expat Quote

Why is the Philippines better than Thailand?

"The pussy is cheaper, the beer is cheaper"

Expat Quote

Conversation with a disabled 70+ year old American expat on a street where freelance workers are picked up.

Gerry: "Whats her name?" (he had asked a girl on the street to visit his room)

J: "I don't know (incredulous look on face at my question), she is supposed to do the best smoke (oral sex)on the street and I want my dick sucked, heard she puts on quite a freak"

I had a conversation with the girl later her name is Rak 35 years old, nice friendly lady, laughed a lot, she told him she would go to his room but later chose not to go.

10 dollar Meal

Have a photo session scheduled today for 2pm at 12 went out to get some food.

-stir fried mixed vegetables
-fried chicken with garlic
-4 large raw oysters eaten with sauce, fried onions, lemongrass, lime and a Thai vegetable (not sure of its name)
-steamed rice
-bottle of water

cost? about $10 CAD

It was actually to much food, I have some of the chicken in my fridge now.

Speaking Thai Again

The first week back speaking Thai I felt like I had marbles in my mouth. Yesterday was the first day that I felt comfortable speaking the language again. When your speaking a foreign language to native speakers you have to go all out with confidence which I am starting to do again. Your bound to make mistakes but that is the way you learn. I was able to speak to ordinary Thais, go to the market to shop etc.

I had some very nice conversations last night, including a man with a wheeled street cart who was selling fried pork and sticky rice. He was surprised I could read his sign written in Thai and we talked about spoken and written languages.

I also talked to one of my friends here who I have photographed 4 or 5 times now. She works in a bar that has shows for customers and spoke to me of that along with how much money she made and how much the bar made (gave me a greater understanding of the scene behind the scene). When you can speak the language of the country your in it allows you to gain insights you would not normally be able to. I need to become fluent in this language, I either have to spend more time here or find more people to speak to in Canada.

Broken Ground Glass

My main and back up ground glass were both broken this trip while flying here. I tried to find one in Bangkok but cannot, the closest 8x10 ground glass in the world seems to be in Hong Kong.

Currently I am working with one of the broken ones, it has about 10 cracks in it and one vertical break into 2 separate pieces.

I glued and taped it together as best I could but it is on the verge of breaking down everytime I slide a film holder in and out.

I am not sure it will last me 30 photo shoots.

Walking the Scene, Tired

Last night I had a hard time getting motivated, felt tired carrying my loaded down camera bag walking the streets. The heat, the weight of the bag and just a general lack of energy was difficult to overcome. The only time I felt good during the night was when I was making the Mat photos in studio. Making the photographs made me happy and gave me a boost of energy as it usually does.

Doing much of the work myself without assistants is exhausting. My timeline to get the photos done in makes me push myself. I wish I could spend 6 months doing this (not 5 weeks) so I could just rest more and take things slowly.

I feel I need to make photographs outside of this world. I will probably make photos of people in the scene for the rest of my life but I would also like to open up, to shoot subjects from all areas of Thai society. I have been thinking of this a lot this trip. I am not sure if the 8x10 is that practical a camera here when shooting in the heat of the day in places like Bangkok, carry a tripod and extra heavy holders etc does not seem to me the way to go it will also affect my mobility and speed of shooting. I am thinking now of using 2 Polaroid conversion camera made by Dean Jones, my 135mm Banarama as well as a second camera (that I need to purchase) which would have a wider angle lens (possibly a 90mm) with this setup I could walk the streets, villages and rural areas making portraits on the fly.

Matt 26

Photographed Matt for third time last night, previously I had photographed her in 2007 and 2008. I have another session scheduled with her and a ladyboy I photographed photographed 1 time last year named Bee.

Matt is fun to photograph a strong person visually, someone that Avedon used to say that could "Hold a wall."

Joom 28

In Bangkok 2 days ago I had a conversation on the street swith a Thai girl named Joom. Joom of a was drunk and broken hearted as a result of a breakup with a Belgium man. She kept on asking me if she was a bad girl, why this man did not want her?? I guess he had told her the reason he broke up with her was bacuase she was no good at sex. Joom had gone back to his hotel room after and saw her man in bed with another woman.

2 English Blokes

Sitting outside a 7/11 yesterday I had a short conversation with 2 westerners. The 2 men were both English 50 years old but looked younger, they had spent over 10 years in Asia.

When I first sat down they were grading the woman that passed by, breast size, body shape etc. I asked them which girls they preferred Thai or Philippine, without hesitation they said Filipinas to quote "Filipinas are 1 billion times better!! than Thai girls" They told me that filipinas had higher morals and were not so money grubbing.

I wonder if these guys have had relationships with none bargirls, one man had spent 5consecutive years in Thailand so you would think he would have varied experiences but he still chose to live in the bargirl capital of the country.

Nit 50

I photographed Nit again a few days back. I have photographed her 4 times now in 1999,2003, 2008 and this year. I learned more about her life, she has a son who is 1/2 Thai and 1/2 German. The sons father died 10 years ago in Berlin. I will try to photograph her again with the 8x10 camera and white background over the next few weeks. Nit has been in the scene for several decades, I asked how many men she had been with in the room I photographed her at and she said hundreds and was not joking.

I am trying to do something Jock Sturges recommended, he told me to get to know the people I photograph better and to photograph the same subjects multiple times. If you know the people you photograph you can hopefully communicate that understanding in your portraiture.

The Silent Dinner

Every time I come to the bar areas here in Thai and see the relationships between the Thai bar girls and the western tourists it surprises me. I saw something last night that I see every trip but it still something I notice and comment on.

I was at a restaurant and at the table beside me an older farang and younger Thai bargirl were having a meal. I sat and ate and was beside them for over 30 minutes but they did not exchange a word, not even a smile or an attempt at communication. The two of them just sat there in their glum little worlds, they were together but worlds apart. It all seemed so empty and shallow, man pays for sex, woman and man do not relate to each other, have no inner connection or understanding.

In Thai

Well made it to Thailand, 4 plane rides and lots of uncomfortable moments later I am here. The worse part was lugging the film through all the security at the airports. If I see another x-ray film destroying station I think I will vomit. I managed to not get my 120 film x-rayed but the 8x10 film was hit 3 times (1 time because I was forced to fly through Hong Kong when China airline changed my flight without informing me ahead of time). I have to try and get the 8x10 film hand checked on the trip home (bound to be a difficult in Vancouver).

I checked the flash equipment I had stored in Thailand and it looks ok some mice shit in the box but that's about it. I am hoping when I plug everything in it will power up and work correctly, hope hope!

I have a big room booked to use for my studio that will cost about 400-500 CAD for 5 weeks of shooting. The room is the nicest and the largest I have ever had in Thailand so it should help with the making of the photographs, I can space the flash units and the subject better to prevent flare etc.

I will take all the equipment via van tomorrow to the room and set up the studio. Hopefully if everything goes to plan I should be making portraits in 2 or 3 days.

Randy

A day before I left to make photographs in Thailand I found out that my cousin Randy had died. It has been several days now since I heard the news but I keep thinking back to the times as a boy that Randy and I spent together. We used to go motorbiking in the fields and trails around his parents acreage. Randy had built a raft with his father that he kept at a small isolated lake nearby, we used to ride our motorbikes out to the lake, get on the raft and head out to open water. Poling the raft around the lake was like something out of Mark Twain, a Huck Finn moment. I remember laying on the deck of the raft as the sun beat down on us, hot summer days floating and looking up a the clouds. The lake had many perch in it and we used to use fishing line with small yellow jigs to catch dozens of small pearch which we then released back into the lake.

Over the last several days I have been thinking back to those teenage days with Randy. We are about the same age and it seems so wrong that he is gone now, much to early only 45 years old. I have to use the time I have left wisely, have to make the photographs I want to make before I run out of time as happens to all of us one day.